Small Wonder: Veni Vidi VICI (S5E4)
by BadMrSushi
Summary: As Vicki is set to make her opera debut at Mario Antony's newly remodeled restaurant, she begins to magnetize objects around her uncontrollably, and that's not the only wrench thrown into the reopened restaurant's gears.
**Small Wonder**

 **(S5E4) Veni, Vidi, V.I.C.I.**

 _By BadMrSushi._

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **It's been very embarrassing asking around about salons. I just thought you should know that.**_

Ted Lawson ran his diagnostic program against Vicki's systems one more time. He sighed out and sat back in his chair, with his arms crossed in an impatient manner. Vicki too, sighed out and crossed her arms, the wires and ribbon that were attached to her back circuits dangling freely behind her swayed as she moved. Ted smiled at the mimicry, and he itched the back of his head. Vicki smiled too and itched her head as well. The computer in front of Ted made a beeping noise and he threw his hands up into the air in surrender.

"Well Vicki, there's no rhyme or reason to it, you're fine! Your radio output stopped malfunctioning all on it's own, so there's nothing for me to check manually either." Said Ted, sounding the slightest bit stressed. "Are you picking up any other radio codes on your frequency modulator?" He asked. Vicki shook her head.

"They all disappeared." She answered back. Vicki uncrossed her arms and motioned with one of her fingers towards the ceiling. "Jamie said that it was the mother ship calling me back." She added. Ted smirked and began to unhook Vicki's circuits from his computer.

"Well, for once he may not be far off. It could have been a passing jet overhead that bounced a signal back at you for all we know." Said Ted, as he finished unhooking her. He sealed up her new more natural looking back access and shooed her away. "Just don't go to any air shows until we can figure out what's causing your… uh- outbursts~." He told her with a big smile on his face. Vicki nodded and stored his directions under the file marker: Irrational constructs of Ted.

"Okay~." She said, as she folded her hands in front of her and waited. Ted shook his head and started putting his computer away. He smiled inwardly to himself at how very human she seemed lately.

"Well, you passed, Vicki. Go on, I know what you're waiting for." Said Ted, trying not to show his smile at his robot's genuine excitement. Vicki turned and she left into the hallway connecting to the bedrooms and joined her mother, Joan, in her parent's room. Joan smiled up at her from the book she was reading on her bed.

"Did you get a clean bill of health?" Asked Joan. Vicki smiled and stood with her hands behind her back.

"I passed inspection, I'm in tip top shape." Said Vicki as she nodded. Joan closed her book and looked Vicki up and down.

"I don't know… I think you could still use another layer of paint or two…" Said Joan, smiling as she got up from the bed. "You're still sure you want to go through with this?" She asked. Vicki nodded again and put her hands out in front of her, inspecting them as she talked.

"Maybe I can get a coat of waterproofing at the salon, Dad said that they do waxing there too!" Said Vicki, with a little hopeful tone to her voice. Joan bit her lip and put her hands on her hips.

"That's a different kind of body detailing, Vicki. Let's keep our eyebrows where they are." Said Joan, as she ushered Vicki from the room. Vicki felt at her eyebrows in confusion and pondered just where it was that they might transfer to. "Okay Vicki, I know you're a free range robot these days, but you do remember the one and only rule while we're at the salon, right?" Asked Joan, as she turned Vicki around to face her. Vicki nodded once and tilted her head.

"The one rule of the salon is: What happens at Jeffrey's stays at Jeffrey's." She said. Joan smiled and turned Vicki back around and the two of them continued out to the living room.

"That's right. So if you see our grocery store cashier there, you just keep it to yourself that she has her nose hairs plucked, or her toenails covered in mud." Said Joan. Vicki nodded again, pondering whether or not she herself had nose hairs. Most likely not, Ted wouldn't have gone through that much trouble. Still, Vicki rubbed her own nose and simulated in her parallel processor how damaging the loss of a nose hair could be.

"Heading out, girls?" Asked Ted, as the two of them passed him as he was putting away his computer. Joan smiled and rested her hands on Vicki's shoulders. "Just don't put us into debtor's prison with the nail polish." Said Ted, jokingly.

"It's a little more than nail polish, Ted." Said Joan as she sent Vicki towards the kitchen. Vicki turned and looked up at Ted.

"But we can't tell you about it." She said, before turning again towards the kitchen and disappearing through the swinging door. Joan gave Ted a quick peck and collected her purse from the living room table.

"We'll be back by six, hopefully Pava-robotti won't shatter anymore glass on the way to the salon." Said Joan. Ted smiled back and then put his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah. The real trick will be getting Jamie to go see her sing tomorrow. I think he's had those earplugs in since the beginning of the week, I even saw him go into the shower with them on!" Said Ted. Joan gave him an acknowledging look and pushed the swinging door to the kitchen open.

"Will you two be able to throw together a dinner for everyone by the time Vicki and I get back?" She asked, a little worriedly. Ted shooed her off with his hands as if he wasn't at all concerned about the prospect of cooking.

"Of course- you two go on, me and Jamie can whip something up no problem~!" Answered Ted. Joan scrunched her mouth up to the side and put a hand on her hip.

"You're sure? We could always pick something up on our way back…" Began Joan. Ted crossed the room and guided Joan the rest of the way through the kitchen door, into the kitchen where Vicki was waiting patiently.

"Go-go-go!" Insisted Ted, as he moved to the kitchen island and opened a cook book. Joan smiled and opened the back door of the Lawson house.

"Well… okay then! We'll see you in a little while honey!" She said. Joan took Vicki by her arm and led her away from her concerned watching of Ted and the cookbook. Vicki looked up as they crossed the yard towards the family BMW.

"What's dad doing with that cookbook?" She asked, as Joan opened the door for her.

"He's going to cook dinner while you and I are at the salon. In." Said Joan, as she motioned for Vicki to enter the car. Vicki did so, and buckled herself into her seat. Joan got into the driver's seat and started the car up.

"I can cook an evening meal very fast." Offered up the robot girl in the passenger seat. "And I won't burn anything." She added, motioning with her index finger. Joan nodded in agreement and threw the car into drive.

"I know Vicki, but Ted and Jamie haven't hung out as much since you two started up high school. I think that cooking a meal together will be good bonding time for the both of them~!" Said Joan. Vicki nodded and pushed the play button on the car stereo's tape deck. Joan smiled and continued driving down their street as 'Ave Maria' played in the car for the sixteenth time that week.

For an entire two week period, Vicki had been practicing operatic singing drills, and learning as many songs as she could find. The grand opening of Antony Mario's new Italian pizzeria was tomorrow, and the Lawsons had finally consented to Mr. Mario's plea to have Vicki sing a few opera pieces for the grand affair. Even though Ted and Joan both knew that Vicki's so called 'natural talent' was anything but- they could see that Vicki had taken an obvious interest in performing at the restaurant. She had been sneaking in questions here and there about the reopening of the pizzeria, and whether or not the fat man in the white suit had still wanted her to sing for him.

All things considered, the Lawsons wanted to support their children- be they flesh and blood or tubes and wires. Although they had always been supportive of Jamie, Joan had often felt that they had fallen short on Vicki. Being so literal and task focused, the little robot had always ignored things that a real human girl her age would go 'gaga' for, as Ted put it, and that made it very difficult for Vicki to find new things that she might like to try or do. In all honesty, she just seemed to be completely indifferent to most things around her, and when she did take an interest in something- it would never last that long.

Joan had decided to take Vicki's newfound motivation and run with it. She had personally seen to Vicki's attire for the grand reopening, and now she was even going to take her in for a world class treatment at what was highly regarded as the best salon in the whole town. If Vicki was going to sing as good as any opera diva, than it seemed only right that she should look on par with one as well.

* * *

Jamie on the other hand, was nearly fed up with the sounds of Vicki's singing. He had invested in earplugs and a set of very loud earphones for his radio- both drowned out the opera nicely. It wasn't that he didn't want Vicki to succeed or even that he didn't like her singing, on the contrary, Jamie thought that his sister's singing was very good and warranted attention. The simple fact of the matter was that he had reached his limit of 'La Donna c Mobilc' and had had quite enough of anything from the marriage of Figaro. Jamie knew that if he was going to sit through more of her singing at the pizzeria, he would have to keep his ears fresh and willing.

Jamie reflected on these things as he sat back in his bed, calmly and silently reading his homework assignment. Her singing had brought him to this final calamity. Doing his homework straightaway on a Friday night. He heard a light knock on his door and looked up to see his father, Ted, standing in the doorway with a big dopey smile on his face.

"Whatcha' doing there Jamie?" Asked Ted, as he entered the room with his hands in his pockets. Jamie turned his textbook around to show his father.

"My biology homework." He answered, in his strange new timber of voice. Jamie's voice had dropped a considerable amount in pitch, and he now sounded like a typical moody teen. Ted grimaced a little bit, still uncomfortable with how quickly Jamie seemed to be growing up.

"Ooo, that bad huh?" Said Ted, as he tapped Jamie's feet off of his bed so that he could sit down too. Jamie moved his ever scuffed up shoes and Ted took his place. "How's the school life treating you anyways? Any girls catching your eye yet?" He asked. Jamie smiled and turned a page in his book.

"High school is just like middle school only with better lunches." Said Jamie. Then he put his book down. "And all the girls just ignore me, they're all too busy drooling over the senior boys with their cars and mustaches." He added. Ted nodded and laughed.

"Yeah, that sounds about right. That'll last all the way up until middle age." He said, as he fidgeted with one of Jamie's old action figures. Jamie scrunched his mouth up and continued his reading, sighing out as he turned another page. Ted sighed out too. "Jamie, I never thought I'd say this to you, but it's way too early for you to be doing your homework! What's the deal?" Said Ted. Jamie simply shrugged.

"I gotta get it done before Monday, that's all. I probably won't do it tomorrow since we're all going to see Vicki sing at the pizzeria, and Sunday I'll probably hang out with Reg…" Began Jamie. He stopped short of Reggie's name, realizing that his best friend and he had become increasingly distant. It was a very cold and strange feeling between the two boys lately, and Jamie couldn't quite put his finger on why it was happening. He only knew that Reggie had some kind of problem with Vicki- and it was driving them apart.

"We haven't seen Reggie around at all lately~!" Said Ted, thinking back on the fun times that he had had with Jamie and Reggie. The two boys were usually almost attached at the hip, but now? Ted frowned and put the action figure back on Jamie's nightstand. "Tell you what Jamie, why don't you leave school behind until Sunday night, just this once? Come on, you can help me not burn down the house while your mother and Vicki are out." Said Ted. Jamie put down his book and gave him a quick nod.

"If you're cooking, I'm extinguishing." Said Jamie, with a big smile. Ted acted offended and got up from the end of the bed.

"Not a chance, you can't put out Ted Lawson's famous five alarm chili!" Said Ted. Jamie withdrew in horror.

"Your chili!? Well I may not see Reggie, but I might see his dad if you cook that stuff!" Said Jamie, as he scuttled off of his bed. Ted crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? Why? Does he like hot chili?" Asked Ted. Jamie shrugged and followed his father out of the room.

"I don't know about that, but he is a fireman first responder!" Said Jamie. Ted rolled his eyes and roughhoused his son the rest of the way out through the door.

* * *

There are few things that one would find a robot endowed with a highly advanced artificial intelligence marveling at. Of those few things, there is one in particular that might give anyone else pause as well. That thing- which words sometimes fail to illustrate satisfactorily even from living human mouths, can best be described as thus from an intelligent robot's point of view. Vegetable eyewear.

Vicki stared at the strange woman sitting in the seat furthest from herself and her mother by the front desk of the Salon. Any other time, Vicki would usually be very attentive to what Joan was saying, or at the very least she would make a good effort to keep up with the conversation taking place in front of her, but this was not one of those times. She was absolutely fascinated by the woman in the white terry cloth robe, wearing the green face mask complete with slices of cucumber over her eyes.

Vicki cross referenced the image with other photographs and television stills that she had saved over the years, but found the corresponding data to be quite disturbing. Her parallel processors went into overdrive as she was treated to a picture of a fallen warrior was sent down the mythical river Styx, wearing war paint and two coins over his eyes. Another image assaulted her visual matrix with it's campy green faced monster from outer space- decorated with two round greenish eyes. Was the woman in the white terry cloth robe dead? Was this some ritual for the fallen patrons of the salon at Jeffrey's? Vicki wasn't supposed to talk about what went on at the salon- so it was logical that she shouldn't ask her mother about the spectacle… but it was very curious.

The little robot actually startled when Joan put a hand on her shoulder, making Joan raise a truly surprised brow. Vicki looked up at her mother, a look of outright confusion and worry upon her face- and Joan in turn gave her a reaffirming pat on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, Vicki, we're not going to have the goldfish nibble at your toes." Said Joan, as she led Vicki behind the desk and through the room full of bizarre women.

"What goldfish?" Asked Vicki, as Joan led her to an empty seat. She sat down in the big cushy chair and pushed herself all the way to the back of it's space.

"Never you mind, we're just here for some hair and nails~!" Said Joan, as she sat in the seat next to her. Joan grabbed a magazine off of the little table in between the two of them and began to idly flip through the pages. Vicki nodded to herself and looked around the salon.

It was very colorful in the vast room of the salon, brightly colored pink and blue flower designs surrounded the incredibly long mirrors set halfway up the walls, and the black and white checkered floor was immaculate and well polished. For a brief second Vicki found herself zooming in on the tiles to see if she could find any hairs- but her attention was quickly averted to a woman crossing in front of her. The woman had large pieces of tin foil squares affixed to her hair in various places, and she wore a very odd looking pair of flip flops on her feet. She flip flopped away and Vicki turned her attention to the woman sitting next to Joan on her left.

She had a towel covering her face, and had both hands suspended into two bowls of liquid on the chair's arm rests. Vicki saved that image too, finding it too strange to simply forget. Joan leaned forward in front of her line of sight and smiled.

"Vicki? Are you actually nervous?!" She whispered out at her. Vicki shook her head and sat back in her seat, facing forward. Joan patted her arm. "Really, it's okay! I come here all the time, I've always come out of it okay~! See? No battle scars." Said Joan, as she showed Vicki her hands and arms. The little mechanized girl gave her an assured nod and smiled a little, before returning her eyes on the woman in the far corner. The cucumbers hadn't budged an inch.

"So, Mrs. Lawson~! This is the incredible Vicki?" Asked a voice from behind Vicki's chair. Vicki turned in her seat and craned her neck to see the source of the voice. He was a bleach blonde man in his thirties, with an overly tanned almost orange complexion, wearing a zebra striped shirt and green crushed velvet pants. The man looked down at Vicki, appraising her right back. "I can work with this~." Said the strange man.

"Oh good! Yes this is Vicki…" Said Joan, as she tapped Vicki lightly on her back. "Vicki, this is Jeffrey, he's the owner of the salon- and the best hairdresser in town! Say hello~!" Said Joan, now nudging her daughter.

"Hello~." Said Vicki, her eyes as wide as they could get. The man in the zebra shirt, Jeffrey, smiled back down at her and raised her chair up by kicking a lever. He stopped the elevation and stepped out in front of her and Joan's chairs, his hands resting on his hips. He stood there eyeing Vicki up and down as she sat as casually as she possibly could in the alien landscape before her. Finally, he took out a pair of scissors and a tiny comb from the set up behind Vicki's chair.

"Hello Vicki~" Sang out Jeffrey, as he spun her chair around so that she could face her reflection in the mirror behind her. Then he turned to Joan and began to converse with her about possible hair styles and even color choices. Again, Vicki paid little attention to it, and once more turned her focus on the women around the salon. She spied another apparent mother and daughter pair across the room and watched as they both had a very unpleasant looking epoxy applied to their upper lips. The younger girl looked back at Vicki's reflection and made a weird attempt to smile at her. The goo on the girl's upper lip appeared to lessen her command of her facial muscles- so Vicki returned the weird smile in the mirror.

"Okay Honey." Said Jeffrey, breaking Vicki's concentration on the mirror. Vicki looked up at the man, and quickly let her odd smile drop away. "Who's your favorite actress?" He asked as he leaned Vicki's chair back. The man threw an apron over Vicki's body, and tied a little bib of sorts around her neck. She looked over at Joan for a little bit of guidance.

"Well, go on Vicki~! Tell him who your favorite movie star is." Said Joan, as she reclined in her chair. Joan was resting her chin in her palm and looking on with some strange joy at Vicki's current circumstances. Vicki searched through her own personal database and quickly skimmed over the female lead roles that she had seen. From there, she nearly instantaneously formed a graph that showed the top ten choices by name, how many movies of theirs that she had watched, how many times she had watched each movie, and how many of those movies she would likely watch again. The results came through and Vicki shrugged.

"Sigourney Weaver." She estimated. Joan grinned and returned a look of surprise to Jeffrey. Jeffrey meanwhile began to spray Vicki's hair down with a misting bottle.

"That's one you don't hear often. Are we talking Ghostbusters, Working girl? _Gorillas in the mist?_ " Asked Jeffrey as he continued the spraying. Vicki furrowed her brow, having only seen Ghostbusters once, and never having seen the other two at all.

"Aliens." Said Vicki, with a slight shake of her head. Jeffrey stopped the spritzing, and looked over to Joan as he mouthed the movie title back to her with raised eyebrows. Joan felt a little embarrassed by Vicki's movie choice, and the woman in the seat next to Joan- who had been silent during their time there, noticeably chuckled out loud. Jeffrey waggled his eyebrows and began to drag his comb through Vicki's hair.

"I can work with that." He said simply.

* * *

Half way across town, Ted Lawson and his son, Jamie, both stared down at a frozen block of ground beef laying on the kitchen island in front of them. Jamie gingerly poked at it with his finger, and then scrunched his mouth up. Ted simply put his hands on his hips and focused on the cookbook next to the frozen package of meat.

"Dad, I don't think mom ever cooks hamburger when it's this cold." Said Jamie. Ted sighed out and crossed his arms.

"Jamie, don't be ridiculous, of course she doesn't. She microwaves it first~!" Said Ted. With that, he scooped up the package and put it neatly inside the kitchen microwave. "How long do you think it would take to thaw this thing out, Jamie, one minute, ten?" Asked Ted. Jamie thought long and hard about it.

"Maybe fifteen?" He said. "Put it on the highest power level, just to be sure." He added. Ted tapped his fingers on the microwave buttons and playfully made some beeping noises with his mouth.

"Bingo!" Said Ted, as he hit the start button. The microwave lit up and started to slowly turn the package around on it's spinning tray. "That part's as good as done, now on to the salad~!" Said Ted, clapping his hands together.

"I've already got it started, Dad!" Said Jamie. He pointed to the sink full of soapy water and a head of lettuce. "See? I'm soaking the lettuce before I cut it up!" Ted waved his finger at him.

"Alright~! Good thinking Jamie- I bet they'd never think that you'd wash the veggies before serving them up! We're sure showing them~." Said Ted. Jamie flipped a page in the cookbook.

"Yeah!" He said, very happy with his job well done. "Now we have to boil up the noodles." Said Jamie, as he read over the cooking directions. Ted grabbed a pan from underneath the kitchen island and took it over to the stove.

"Done, and done." He said. He took some spaghetti out of a package, and broke the noodles in half, dropping them neatly into the middle of the pan. Next, he took the pan full of broken spaghetti noodles over to the kitchen sink and filled it up with warm water from the faucet. "Look at that, and your mom makes it look so hard." Said Ted, as he placed the pan on a burner and lit up the stove top.

"Yeah- piece of cake. Oh that reminds me dad!" Jamie began saying. "We should use up that old sponge cake in the fridge to make a dessert! Maybe we can put some strawberries on it and call it strawberry shortcake!" He said, digging through the refrigerator. Jamie grabbed the half eaten sponge cake he was looking for, and showed it to Ted.

"Not bad, not bad. I don't think we have any strawberries though." Said Ted, as he joined Jamie at the refrigerator. He dug through the door shelves and produced a sealed jar of jam. "But we got strawberry jelly! I think that would work, put some whipped cream on top of it and call it good." Said Ted.

"Right." Replied Jamie, as he went to work on the leftover dessert. A knock came from the back door of the kitchen and Jamie rolled his eyes. "Geez, we haven't even eaten yet and I'm already getting heartburn." He said. Ted smiled and went to the answer the door, knowing full well who it was already.

"Hello Harriet." He said, before even looking down at her. Harriet smiled and looked up at Ted, the noisy ribbons that held her ponytail in place crinkled as she tilted her head to the side.

"Hello Mr. Lawson~!" She said with a chipper voice. "Is Jamie home?" She asked. Ted nodded and opened the door all the way for Harriet to see, even though he was certain that she already knew that Jamie was in the kitchen.

"Of course he is, Harriet, but we're cooking dinner right now- we're kind of busy if you don't mind." Said Ted. Harriet pushed past Ted and skipped up to the kitchen island where Jamie was spreading strawberry jam on a rather sad looking yellow cake.

"Oh no, I don't mind~!" She said, looking down at the cake. Ted sighed out and closed the door, and then returned to his pan of broken spaghetti. "Hiyeee Jamie~!" Said Harriet, smiling and showing her beady little eyes to him. Jamie nodded and scraped the last little bit of jelly out of the jar in front of him.

"Hi Harriet." Said Jamie. Harriet looked from Jamie to Ted, and back again. Then she looked over at the buzzing microwave.

"Does your Mom know you're doing this? Is it her birthday?" Asked Harriet, sounding a little suspicious. Jamie closed up the empty jar of jelly and put it back in the refrigerator behind him.

"No, it's just that her and Vicki went to the salon to get their nails and stuff done, so me and Dad are cooking dinner tonight." Said Jamie. He grabbed a can of whipped cream from the door and closed the fridge. Harriet scratched the side of her head and cleared her throat as she watched Jamie empty the can of whipped cream on top of the horrible looking giant twinkie in front of him.

"Oh… well… I came over to ask if you know what time Vicki's going to be doing her singing, my mom wanted to know." Said Harriet. Ted raised an eyebrow and dumped a generous amount of salt into his pan of water and spaghetti noodles.

"Are you guys coming to the opening? Brandon told me that you guys couldn't make it?" Asked Ted. He journeyed over to the kitchen island again and reached inside for a sauce pan. Harriet shrugged and put her hands behind her back.

"Well, we weren't gonna, but my Mom wants to try the new gourmet pizzas. She just wanted to know if Vicki will be done singing by the time we get there." Said Harriet. Jamie put the can of whipped cream down and folded his arms.

"Harriet!" He said, taking a nasty tone. "You can tell your Mom to stick to the drive thru window at Jack in the box for all we care!" He said. Ted stood up with his saucepan and eyed Jamie.

"Jamie." He said, a little scornfully. Then he turned to Harriet. "Vicki starts singing at five o clock tomorrow, Harriet. You can ride with us if you want to hear her sing." He added. Harriet nodded happily and smiled.

"Ooh! I'd like that! Can I get a ride home with you too?" She said. Ted shrugged.

"Sure, I don't see why not, if it's okay with your parents. Why would you need a ride back home if they're coming though?" Said Ted, as he went searching for any sauce in the cupboards. Harriet grimaced and made her way to the door.

"Because my Dad gets a lot of indigestion with Italian food… I'd rather cut my losses and walk if I had too." She said. Then she turned and blew Jamie a kiss. He waved his hands out in front of him as if he was being attacked by a swarm of bees. "I'll come by early tomorrow by three! You can tell me what you think of my fancy dress, Jamie!" She said, leaving out of the back door.

"I'll bet I'll think it should have come with a matching hood." Said Jamie. Ted looked over at his son with a sardonic smiled and then emptied his can of concentrated tomato paste into his saucepan. A strange smell hit his nose, and Ted looked around the kitchen, sniffing at the air.

"What is that?" He asked, just as the microwave beeped and stopped it's quiet buzzing. Jamie turned around and opened the microwave door cautiously with a towel. White smoke billowed out from the appliance, and a smell of charred meat and plastic filled the room. "Oh no!" exclaimed Ted.

"I think it's done…" Said Jamie, as he laid the black and rubbery package on the island. He went about opening up the package and presented the hamburger for Ted to see. It was black on the outside, but still dripping pink goo. "Maybe…" He added.

"Well… maybe we'll try our hand at a vegetarian dinner, what do you say?" Said Ted. Jamie slouched his shoulders down.

"You mean like broccoli?" He asked. Ted began to stir his suddenly bubbling sauce in the saucepan.

"Any veggie will do- here Jamie, help me with this pan of sauce, you stir, I'll look for some veggies to throw in the old oven here." Said Ted. Jamie tossed the brick of half frozen half fried meat onto the island and joined Ted at his stove. "Just keep moving the stuff around, I'll go see if your mother's garden has any peppers yet." Said Ted, handing his spoon off to Jamie. Jamie smiled and began to rapidly stir the paste in the saucepan.

"Got it covered!" Said Jamie, as Ted left out the back door of the kitchen. He trekked across the small brick patio and out into the side yard of the house where Joan had put up her garden. She had always told Ted that she wanted them to use more home grown food whenever possible, so this seemed like a natural choice- utilizing the very vegetables that Joan herself had planted for the evening meal. Only, Ted wasn't exactly educated in the ways of gardening, and how to spot a ready to eat vegetable of the vine. He looked around at the leafy plants before him and scratched his head.

"Green peppers…" Ted mumbled to himself. "Vicki's always putting in green peppers with the sauces…" He said. He kicked at a plant with some greenish buds growing off them and sighed out. They sort of resembled green peppers, a little smaller than normal, but that just meant that he'd have to put more into the sauce.

* * *

Joan inspected Vicki's new hair style and smiled. Although it took a lot of doing, Jeffrey had done it again. Thankfully for Joan, Vicki's hair didn't exactly match Lieutenant Ripley's from the movie Aliens, but it was a nice change from the usual scrunchy hair tie. Her nails on the other hand were a different story.

Being of a slightly dense polymer, Vicki's 'nails' were quite resistant to any basecoat that the poor nail lady at the salon could throw at them. The lady was notably deflated after her own homemade polish failed, and she gave up. Vicki's nails had won the battle, and they were apparently going to stay just as they were.

"My hair is crunchy." Said Vicki, as she felt at the side of her head. Joan gave a quick pat to her hand, and Vicki dropped the offending hand to her side.

"Don't touch it too much, it'll lose it's curl!" Said Joan. "Ooh! You're going to look so nice for the opening, Vicki! You might even get your picture in the newspaper if they cover the restaurant." She said. Vicki nodded and tried to ignore the sound of her stiff curls.

"Maybe the science and technology section could cover me~." She said. Joan shot her a quick smile and paid the waiting lady at the front desk with a credit card. Vicki stood on her tip toes and peered over the counter to see the woman with the green face and cucumber eyewear- but the woman had vanished. There was an odd sensation somewhere within Vicki's central processing unit- it might have been relief that the woman was gone, and presumably alive and well, or it could have been disbelief that the woman had moved at all. Vicki reasoned that the woman had left to replenish herself with a few fresh slices of cucumber.

"Come on, let's get home and show off the new and improved Vicki~!" Said Joan, as she guided Vicki towards the door of the salon. "Did you tell any kids at your school about your big day tomorrow?" Asked Joan, as the two of them exited the building. They were met by a pleasant sunset outside, and the temperature had dropped a few degrees since they had gone in to Jeffrey's. Vicki felt at her hair again, noting that the curls made noise as the wind passed through them.

"Jamie told most of them, the other students in our homeroom." Said Vicki, as they both got into the silver BMW. "Our Gym class, our biology class, some of the students from his history class." She continued to say, as she buckled herself in. Joan buckled her seatbelt as well, and looked over at Vicki.

"What about you? Didn't you tell anyone in your classes?" Asked Joan, a little concerned that Vicki wasn't making many friends. In fact- Vicki had only made 5 friends in the week that she had been attending high school. There was Paula (who seemed more friendly with Jamie than her), the other Vicki (who was often so quiet that she rivaled Vicki as the most polite student in class), Ernie, the onetime school bully that still shoved some other students around (including a few seniors), her home etc. teacher, and Mr. Perry her biology teacher. This was a fact that Vicki wasn't necessarily hiding from her mother, but she wasn't exactly sure that it would be a good thing to relay to her either.

"I told a few~." Said Vicki with a nod. Joan scrunched her mouth up and started the car.

"Well good! It would be nice to have some of your friends show up, don't you think? It would sure help that Mr. Mario too!" Said Joan, as she began to aim the family car in the direction towards their home. "You're pretty lucky, Vicki. Any other girl your age would be so nervous over a thing like tomorrow that they'd be absolutely shaking!" Vicki nodded and felt at her hair again. Her hair seemed to be shaking on it's own volition, and she wondered if that wasn't somehow linked to being 'nervous.

The little silver BMW made it's way through the town and finally down the sycamore area neighborhood where the Lawson house sat, bathed in the final glowing rays of the sun. Joan pulled the car around to the driveway and turned the key in the ignition, and then looked over at Vicki. At some point, unseen by Joan as she was having her hair done as well, the precocious robot had nabbed two slices of cucumber from one of the salon's supply. Vicki sat in the car seat, pressing the two bits of green vegetables to her eyes, in an apparent mimicry of the other salon patrons. Eyes still covered by the cucumbers, Vicki turned her attention towards Joan.

"Vicki- what are you doing?" Asked Joan. Vicki shrugged.

"I think I'm moisturizing." Answered Vicki. Joan smiled and shook her head. She took the cucumbers from her eyes.

"Forget it, you'll get green stains on your silicon eyelids!" Said Joan with a laugh. "You don't want to look like that Tammy Fae Baker woman, do you?" Asked Joan. Vicki shook her head, and again touched her noisy hair. The two got out of the car and made their way towards the kitchen door, with Joan going over the finer points of Vicki's makeup for the grand reopening on the following evening. Joan opened the door to the kitchen and was immediately assaulted by a horrible smell.

"Tada!" Said Ted, as he rushed from his place at the stove towards Joan. Joan meanwhile, had recoiled at the smell of the burnt meat, scalded tomato paste, and overly salted water. Ted grabbed her by the shoulders and led her to the table to sit down, and Vicki closed the kitchen door behind them. "Just wait till you see what we did Joan!" Said Ted, very excitedly.

"I can only imagine…" Said Joan, as she tried to disguise her disgust of the aroma. Ted smiled big and went back to his stove, giving Vicki a glance as he went.

"Oh wow, honey- they did great on her hair! She looks like a movie star!" Said Ted, as he tapped a ladle against his pot of boiled horrors. Vicki stepped to the middle of the kitchen and looked around, scanning everything that was going on. There were a lot of things that Vicki could recognize as 'smells', she could instantly sniff out and label things correctly such as roses, chilidogs, burning food, natural gas, freshly mowed grass, even the occasional spray of perfumes- but whatever had gone on in the kitchen while she and her mother had been away was completely and utterly out of her realm of experience.

"Hey mom! Vicki!" Said Jamie as he entered in through the living room door. "Whoa Vicki, your hair! You look totally different!" He said, circling around her. Vicki turned with him and shook her head at him.

"It's crunchy." Stated Vicki, as she took his hand and brought it up to her curls. Jamie grimaced a little and looked over at Joan.

"What'd they do, empty a whole can of hairspray on her head?" He asked with a joking smile. Then he left to help his father begin plating up the dinner that they had created. Vicki turned sharply on her heels toward Ted and Jamie.

"What did you cook for your dinner?" She asked. Ted turned around with a smile and showed off his plate of red tomato gravy over some very soggy noodles. The red sauce also had little green flecks of veggies in it.

"It's a vegetarian spaghetti! We're eating healthy, Vicki, just like you like it!" Said Ted. Vicki shifted her weight to one foot and crossed her arms.

"What vegetables did you use for the sauce?" She asked, a slight tone of suspicion entering her voice. Ted turned around again, bobbing his head to show his distaste of Vicki's tone.

"Green peppers, wise guy robot. From the garden even." He answered. Jamie turned around with a big smile on his face too.

"And I made a dessert in the fridge! Check it out Vicki!" He said, very satisfied with himself. Vicki did so, opening the refrigerator door for a brief second and then quickly closing it. She turned back around and looked at the salad on the kitchen island, zooming in on it's sudsy leaves.

"Got anything else to say?" Asked Ted, as he brought a plate of stuff over to Joan. Joan involuntarily pushed herself away a little as he put the food down in front of her.

"Yes." Said Vicki simply. Ted put his hands on his hips.

"Well? What?" He asked.

"I think mom would be better off eating the cucumbers from the salon." Said Vicki. Jamie laughed and sat down at the table with his own plate.

"Aw, I think she just feels put out cause we can make our own dinner." He said to Ted. Ted nodded.

"You know, I'll bet you're right, Jamie. I don't know about you but I'm starved." He said, sitting down to his plate of food too. Joan smiled weakly and pushed her plate a little closer towards Ted. "What's the matter, Joan? Aren't you hungry?" He asked.

"Oh, it's just the salon can really take it out of you, I'll eat here in a second, I'm just catching my breath." Said Joan. Ted shrugged.

"Fair enough, our cooking just might take your breath away~!" Said Ted, as he wrapped some noodles up in his fork.

"I'll standby to administer CPR." Said Vicki, still standing behind the island. Jamie shot her a look.

"Thanks a lot, Vicki. Don't you have anything positive to say?" Asked Jamie. Vicki stood there for a second, processing Jamie's question. Finally, she nodded and gave him a little smile.

"Yes! Your salad is very clean." She said. Ted waggled his eyebrows at Jamie and brought his vegetarian spaghetti to his lips.

"See, Jamie? I told you they'd be impressed." He said with a smile. Then he took a mouthful of the evening meal.

* * *

Several minutes later as the Lawson's sat on their couch in the living room watching the television set, Vicki set about making their new meal of cold cut sandwiches. She sliced up turkey and ham with all the speed of an industrial deli-slicing machine, and masterfully set up the sandwiches to look good enough for a food magazine shoot. She put her three sandwiches on the cutting board in front of her, and quickly sliced them all into two triangles- finishing each triangle off with a toothpick topped by an olive. She appraised her handy work, put her knife in the sink along with Ted and Jamie's catastrophic spaghetti, and began to rinse off her hands.

Zap. The knife leapt up from the sink and back onto Vicki's palm, sticking there like a suction cup. She pulled the flat side of the knife away from her hand and let it drop back into the sink. Several seconds passed by, with Vicki staring down at the knife in a slightly annoyed fashion, before she turned back around to collect and serve the sandwiches. Years of messing about with Vicki's magnetic force manipulation had apparently affected the kitchen knife on a permanent level.

Vicki entered the living room with her tray full of sandwich relief, being met instantly with sounds of approval by the rest of the Lawson family. She set the tray down on the little coffee table in front of them and sat down in the wicker chair next to the couch.

"Thank you Vicki!" Said Joan, sounding very relieved indeed. "These look good enough to be in one of those grocery store adds!" She said. Ted nodded and took his sandwich from the tray.

"You know, I guess I never appreciated just how hard it is to make a good meal. I should have thought of this- even we couldn't have messed up a sandwich." Said Ted, nudging Jamie's arm. Jamie took his sandwich and sighed out.

"Let's never find out for sure." Said Jamie. He took a big bite from his sandwich and sat back into the couch, resting his eyes on the television screen. The movie that they had been watching, 'Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory,' was finally getting to the parts that Jamie really liked- the entrance of the factory itself.

"It's okay you two, it's the thought that counts~." Said Joan. "Just promise you'll take a few cooking lessons from Vicki before you try anything more challenging than microwave popcorn." She said, only half way joking. Ted smirked and bit into his sandwich.

"It might take more than a few lessons." Said Vicki, shaking her head. Joan shot her a quick smile and looked back at the movie. Vicki turned her attention to the movie as well. On the screen, the man in the purple and brown suit danced around and sang while various kids and adults ran around eating his factory show room. They ate hungrily at the obviously fake candies, and Vicki didn't quite get why the fattest kid was drinking out of the murky water. "He shouldn't drink that colored water." Said Vicki, finally speaking her mind on the matter.

"It's not water, it's chocolate!" Said Jamie, as he took another bite of his sandwich. Vicki shook her head again.

"Tempered milk chocolate has to be at least 103 degrees Fahrenheit to maintain a workable liquid form, it would be uncomfortable for that boy to drink it." Said Vicki. Joan looked over at Vicki.

"How do you know that, Vicki?" She asked.

"I read it in a book on baking and making chocolate." Answered Vicki. Jamie rolled his eyes.

"You've gotta use your imagination- it's just a movie~." He said. Ted smiled and dusted some crumbs from his shirt.

"It's not that easy for her, Jamie- Vicki doesn't use an imagination, she uses a search engine and logistical analysis." He said. "She's wired that way so that she can spot potential obstacles or dangers. Like drinking out of a river of dirty water." He added.

"Or eating a plate of nuclear pasta~." Said Joan, as she bit into her sandwich. Ted squinted and looked over at her. "She's a real life saver!" Said Joan.

"Hmph." Went Jamie, as he sat back again. "Kind of ruins the magic if you ask me." He said. Vicki tilted her head and looked back at the movie. The man in purple began to sing about pure imagination, and truth be told, Vicki would rather have been watching a Bruce Lee movie.

For whatever reason, whatever the unknown sequence of events that spurred her on, Vicki had a very odd fixation on Karate and Kung-fu movies. It wouldn't have been so bad, except that she was able to accurately mimic the body movements of the karate stars a little too well. Beyond that, no one else in the family could even sit through the contrived plots and shoddy voice over dubbing. Joan just hoped that Vicki wouldn't someday grab a link of cold cuts and fling them around like those scary nunchuks.

In fact, Vicki's ability to capture and recreate the motions of the people around her was paramount to her success as a perceptually perfect humanoid robot. Through the brief five years that she had been around, Vicki had picked up on tiny head and shoulder movements here and there, and she had gone about the task of incorporating the body language of others into her own simulated movements and stances. She had even gotten very good at moving her hands around while talking, something she was very challenged by at first. Moving her hands around while singing, now that was something else entirely.

As the movie hit it's final scene, and the credits began to roll, Vicki sat back in the wicker chair and started to put her hands in the air, looking back and forth between the two of them. Ted looked over at Vicki and started laughing.

"Vicki, what are you doing?" He asked. Joan and Jamie also looked over at her. Vicki put her hands down.

"I was just trying it on for size." She answered, losing her monotone quality again. Ted chuckled and collected the trays on the coffee table.

"It's not a bad idea, we could paint you up orange, dye your hair green, and call you an Opera Loompah." Said Ted.

"I'm still looking for the proper hand and body movements of an opera singer." Said Vicki. Ted snapped his fingers and gestured with his index finger to the ceiling.

"That's right, I knew I forgot something! I got you a tape to watch on that Vicki. Jamie, can you find it, it's right there with the sci-fi movie and the aerobics stuff." Said Ted, as he made his way to the kitchen door with the trays. Jamie got off the couch and rummaged through the stack of rented tapes by the television set, finally producing a tape that read on it's cover 'Rigoletto'.

"Oh no! Dad, don't tell me we have to sit through this thing! I've heard so much opera that I'm starting to hear it in my sleep!" Exclaimed Jamie. Ted smiled and pushed the kitchen door open.

"You probably are hearing it in your sleep, Jamie, Vicki's been practicing her singing when we all go to bed at night. You can always help me do the dishes instead, if you don't want to watch it." Said Ted. Jamie hurriedly ejected the Willy Wonka movie and put the new tape in.

"I'll dry!" He said, frantically running past Ted into the kitchen. Ted mouthed a wow at Joan, and she returned his smile as Ted disappeared behind the door.

"It's okay Vicki, I'll watch it with you! I've heard all the music, I might as well know what it's all about too." Said Joan. She patted the couch cushion next to her and Vicki quickly relocated in the seat next to her mother. "Maybe the Chef Boyardee will bring us some popcorn!" Added Joan, as the movie began.

Vicki studied the movements of all the singers very carefully, and by the end of the closing act, her files on the matter were filled with the little nuances and bigger motions involved with onstage theatrics. The music swelled at the final act and the jester let out his final mournful lines, and the movie reached it's end. A few hours had passed, and Ted and Jamie had both already gone to bed. Vicki looked over at Joan, who was also peacefully sleeping with her head resting against a couch pillow. Vicki turned the television off and followed suit with her mother, going into her 'sleep' mode on the couch nestled up next to Joan.

* * *

Vicki's 'dreaming' program that Ted had recently installed, earlier in the summer months, was often a digitized visual depiction of the things that Vicki had saved to her bubble memory on a whim. Sometimes, when the data didn't seem important enough to keep, her parallel processors would throw the stored information into her dream in a last attempt to make any sense of it's priority. That night was no different, as Vicki dreamt of cleaning the entirety of Willy Wonka's chocolate waterfall and river basin.

People didn't often figure into her dreams, except of course for a particular rock star that seemed to berate her now and again. This time however, she had a visitor. Vicki looked up from her scrubbing of the stone chocolate river basin and saw Jamie's close friend, Reggie standing above her and listening to a hand held radio. Vicki stopped her cleaning and stood up straight.

"Hello." She said up to the dream representation of Reggie. He nodded back and turned off his radio.

"Heya Vicki. What's up?" He said. Vicki shrugged and climbed up the wall of the basin to join him.

"I'm cleaning out this bed so that the water won't be dirty anymore." Said Vicki, as she sat down next to the dream representation. He inspected her work and smiled at her the way Reggie used to do.

"That's a lot of scrubbing mama! Don't you have any hobbies like singing or dancing?!" He asked. Vicki tilted her head and nodded.

"I'm singing tomorrow!… but you're not coming…" She said, trailing off and sounding a little sad. The representation of Reggie nodded back at her a little sadly too.

"Yeah, I should totally be there. I think you're great at singing!" He said, as he jiggled his radio. "This is my favorite song! Can you sing it?" Said the representation. Vicki furrowed her brow and looked at him.

"What do you mean? I don't hear anything, is your radio broken?" She asked. Before the dream Reggie could answer, Vicki was awoken by Joan's gentle shake of her shoulder.

"Vicki? Are you awake?" Asked Joan. Vicki opened her eyes and looked around.

"Good morning~!" Replied Vicki. Joan smiled.

"It's the big day! Are you ready?" She asked. Vicki nodded and gave her a thumbs up. "Good! Did the movie help, do you think you got everything you needed?" Added Joan. Vicki stood up and showed Joan her best dramatic hand raising.

"I think I've got it!" Said Vicki. Then she let her hand drop. "I'll just have to watch out for low hanging chandeliers." She added. Joan laughed out.

"Chandeliers? At a pizza place? I don't think you'll have to worry about that Vicki!" Said Joan.

* * *

As the casually attired Lawsons and one flashily dressed freckled girl stepped through the large double oak doors of Antony Mario's new pizzeria, Culla Del Gatto, they were at once wowed and confused by the restaurant's interiors. It was lavish to say the least, with a large aquarium at the front, that wrapped itself around to a very nice little stand that housed an honest to goodness Maitre de! They all looked around at the soft but precise lighting of the open restaurant and it's bustling employees. The Maitre de, a smallish man with peaked eyebrows and a slightly devilish grin, smiled at them and came from around the stand to greet them.

"You must be the Lawson family! It's so very nice to meet you! Welcome!" Said the man, with a thick English accent. He motioned with an overly dramatic extended arm towards the back of the restaurant. "Of course, Mr. Mario told me you were expected, right this way!~" He said. The Lawsons followed the short man away from the front desk and through the open floor of the restaurant, taking their neighbor Harriet in tow. Jamie nudged his mother on the way past the built in glass bar, stocked with various wines and bottled beverages of all kinds.

"Mom! I think we're a little underdressed for this place!" Whispered Jamie. Joan grinned a bit and looked around at the décor. Harriet grabbed onto Jamie's arm and gave him a weird smile.

"Oh Jamie, I think you look good no matter what you're in!" She said. Jamie immediately wriggled away from her and pushed her gently away towards Vicki. Harriet rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She looked towards Vicki and then shook her head. "I'm telling you Vicki, there's just no getting through to him! I might as well be talking to a wall." She said. Vicki nodded in agreement.

"At least you can pin up some posters on a wall, Jamie complains when he gets a poke on his finger." Said Vicki. Harriet smiled and beamed over at Jamie- who pretended to ignore them both.

"It's a little fancy for pepperoni and sausage dine in, don't you think?" Asked Joan as she tugged on Ted's sleeve. Ted nodded and looked down at his frumpy looking gray sweat shirt. He hadn't planned on the pizza place being so high class, and now he felt even more embarrassed at the large camcorder in his hand. It looked like a big ugly gray brick to match his ugly gray sweater- that went shockingly well with Joan's plain pink pantsuit.

"At least Vicki doesn't look out of place." Said Ted, as he patted Vicki on the shoulder. She did look the part of an opera songstress, wearing a white dress that Joan had picked out for her. Joan thought that it was reminiscent of a toga, while Jamie thought that it resembled something that Dracula's daughter might wear. Ted looked back at his wife and smiled. "I'm just glad that we didn't let Jamie wear his painted on black tie shirt, we both would've been outclassed then." He said.

"I can't believe this is the same place! It's like a pizza palace! I hope they still have my favorite on the menu." Said Jamie, as he looked around. The family passed the bar and finally came to a back table where the very corpulent man in white sat. The Maitre de bowed once more and left them there with the owner of the restaurant, Antony Mario.

"We got it all~! Everything!" Said Mr. Mario, as he kissed his fingers and threw them into the air. "It's a smorgasbord of italiano food! Sit-sit!" He said, patting the table in front of him.

"Thanks! The place is looking really good Mr. Mario! You can't even recognize it!" Said Ted. Joan elbowed him in the ribs. "I mean that it's so high class now, such a nice choice." Said Ted, rubbing his side. Joan smiled and nodded.

"Gratzi! The day, she's finally here! Imma so glad you could all come!" Said Mr. Mario, as he glanced over at Harriet. "Who are you?" He asked. Harriet smiled big and threw her arms open.

"I'm Harriet, the precocious next door neighbor~!" She said. Mr. Mario nodded.

"Okay! You sing too?" He asked, tugging on his mustache. Harriet opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by the collective Lawson family.

"No!" They all said. Harriet crossed her arms and pouted.

"Geez, now I know what a telemarketer feels like." She said. Ted smiled.

"Sorry Harriet. Harriet's just come to watch Vicki sing with the rest of us, Mr. Mario." Said Ted. Mr. Mario nodded emphatically.

"Si! You and the whole town!" He said, bringing the morning newspaper up from under the table. He opened up the paper to the events section and pointed out his article to them. "Here! Culla del Gatto, a grand re-opening of a the former Pizza Place in the market square downtown!" Read Mr. Mario. Ted took the paper and read it too. He showed the paper's article to Joan.

"Well look at that! They even mentioned the opera singing for the re-opening tonight! It might even draw a big crowd!" Said Ted. Mr. Mario nodded very excitedly again.

"Si si! The man from the newspaper called today- he'll be here to see everything!" Said Mr. Mario. He clapped his hands together. "Vicki~! You're going to be a star!" He said. Vicki clapped her hands together as well.

"Maybe I'll put my hand and foot prints down on the sidewalk outside." Said Vicki.

"Well, how many people do you think will show up, Mr. Mario?" Asked Joan, as she flipped through the article. Mr. Mario tugged on the sides of his mustache.

"I think maybe 300!" He said, as he stroked his chin. "We have a lot of reservations, 103!" He added.

"103 reservations! Wow- how'd you get that many?!" Asked Harriet. "Where would they all come from? Did you have a commercial out on T.V.?" She asked. Mr. Mario shook his head and shrugged, and Jamie smiled nervously.

"103, That's almost as big as the entire tenth grade student body…" He said. Ted and Joan looked over at him. "I hope you have a lot of cooks back there!…" Said Jamie, avoiding the gaze of his parents. Mr. Mario gave him a big nod.

"We have the best cooks in the whole town! And I bring in my cousin Luigi, he's a the greatest chef in all of Italy!" Said Mr. Mario. "He's the fastest too! Luigi can cook one thousand orders in only ten manures!" He added.

"I think you mean minutes!" Said Harriet, with a big smile on her face. Jamie laughed and nudged Vicki.

"I'll bet you could give him a run for his money!" He whispered at her. Vicki gave him a nod and winked.

"So, where's the stage gonna be at?" Asked Ted, looking around the restaurant. Mr. Mario motioned towards the middle of the restaurant, right in front of the ornate kitchen swinging doors there was a nicely lit raised round platform, complete with a piano and a few chairs presumably set aside for other musicians. Close by was an old indoor firebrick oven, it looked functional but Ted guessed that it was just a decoration choice.

"Where everybody can see! I sit the grinders right there too!" Said Mr. Mario. Joan raised a concerned eyebrow.

"The grinders?" She asked. Mr. Mario scratched the side of his head.

"Excuse- what they call it, the food critics! Very nasty- always mean! I think maybe the singing bring up their moods!" Said Mr. Mario, very hopefully.

"Well, she'll definitely do her best, won't you Vicki?" Said Ted, smiling over at her. Vicki smiled back.

"I'll bring down the house." She said with a nod.

* * *

As the hour sped by, and the Lawsons went to go sit at their table close to Vicki's stage, Harriet had begun to snoop around the restaurant with Jamie. They looked at some of the old photographs on the wall, as they heard Vicki warming up her voice along with the musicians that had finally arrived. Jamie spotted the girl that had worked at the previous Pizza Place, Chloe, only in a family photograph. The real Chloe was nowhere to be seen, and Jamie felt out of place asking about her whereabouts. He hadn't heard from her at all since she had decided to strike out on her own and go off to college. Jamie did feel happy for her, but there was an odd lingering sensation over the whole ordeal, something that was almost ominous about who he'd leave behind when he went off to college.

"Ew, look at that crusty old dwarf!" Said Harriet, pointing to a picture of a tiny old woman in a chef's uniform. "She looks like she's a hundred years old!" She whispered to Jamie.

"Harriet! That's not very nice, you'll be that old and tiny someday too!" Said Jamie. "Actually, she kind of looks like you!" He said with a laugh, pointing at the spots on the woman's face.

"Madame Ricci. Grandmother of Mr. Mario and his cousin Mr. Luigi- and respected chef in the Italian culinary world." Came the thick English accented voice of the Maitre de, standing behind them. Jamie and Harriet spun around to see him, his devilish grin and almost buggy eyes fixed on them both. "She's actually celebrating her hundredth birthday this December." He added.

"Oh! She looks like a nice lady!" Said Harriet, trying to give him a good smile. The Maitre de walked up to the photo and wiped a bit of dust off of the picture's frame with his white glove.

"She's an absolute terror- I hate being stuck in the same room with her." He said. Jamie's eyes lit up.

"Really? Did you work at her restaurant too?" He asked. The Maitre de finished his dusting and turned back around to face the two kids.

"She gave me the dubious title of 'Talking welcome mat'… well she did after she warmed up to me at least." He said. Then he let out a strange laugh and rolled his eyes a bit. Jamie and Harriet tried to laugh too, but both fell short on the task. "Will you be sitting with your parents this evening then, Mr. Lawson?" Asked the Maitre de. Jamie smiled big.

 _"Mr. Lawson?"_ He asked back. "I'll be sitting with them sure, but this isn't my sister!" He said, pushing Harriet away from him. Harriet sprung back to Jamie and wrapped her arms around him.

"That's right~! But I'll be _Mrs. Lawson_ soon enough!" Sang Harriet.

"I see." Said the Maitre de. Jamie wrestled out of Harriet's hold and put his hands on his hips.

"Only if you move to Mexico under a counterfeit passport." Said Jamie. Harriet shrugged and put her hands behind her back.

"I've always wanted to honeymoon in Tijuana~!" She said gleefully. Jamie frowned and looked at the Maitre de.

"And I've always wanted to know how to fake my own death." Said Jamie. The Maitre de smiled and motioned at Jamie's parents.

"I only ask because the festivities will begin shortly, and we'll be opening the doors in a few short minutes." He said. "We wouldn't want you two to be, um, stuck alone at a table now would we?" Asked the Maitre de in his thick accent. Harriet clasped her hands in front of her.

"Sounds good to me!" She said. Jamie turned and jogged towards his parents and the table they sat at.

"I'm going!" Said Jamie, Harriet quickly followed him, grabbing onto his shirt as they went. They reached Ted and Joan and sat down. Jamie turned in his chair so that he could see Vicki, she was on the stage and talking to a violinist while the other flute bearing musician and a man sat at the piano talked amongst themselves.

"Jamie, do you want to be our cameraman and take some pictures of Vicki for us while she's singing?" Asked Ted, as he slid his camcorder to him. Jamie smiled and took the camcorder, more than happy to do the job. Jamie loved working the camera- he fancied himself an amateur film maker, hoping to one day join the stars out in Hollywood. He checked the tape in the recorder and turned it on, pointing it first at Vicki, and then around the entire restaurant. The camera fell upon the doors of the restaurant just as the Maitre de went to open them.

"Uh oh…" Said Jamie, as he filmed the first fifty or so people waiting in line at the door. Ted made a popping noise with his mouth and grabbed the menu in the middle of the table from it's decorative holder.

"I think we better order now if we want to beat the crowd!" He said. Joan nodded in agreement and looked over his shoulder as he read. As the two looked over the menu, Jamie focused the camera on the wait staff at the bar. Mr. Mario, and another fat man in white (probably Mr. Luigi) toasted each other and then drank down two little cups of bronze liquid.

"Hmph." Went Jamie, as he swung the camera back around to the doors. He idly filmed people entering the doors, being sat by a very quick wait staff. The Maitre de stood by, checking off reservations from his various books and smiling at each guest as they entered. The restaurant filled quickly and the room got very loud very fast, laughter filled the tables and chit chat over this and that could be overheard even at the Lawson table. From between two groups of dignified adults crept out a familiar face to Jamie, surprising him into nearly dropping his camcorder- Ernie was making his way right towards him. Jamie fumbled with the camera but caught it before it slipped out of his hands. He looked up and smiled at Ernie as he stopped right in front of him. "Hi!" Said Jamie, a little nervously.

"Hey." Said Ernie, very plainly. Then he held out a bouquet of nice looking flowers to Jamie. The two looked at each other with confused looks, both boys had obviously misjudged the other's intents. "They're for your sister, ya mook!" Said Ernie, angrily shaking the flowers at him.

"Oh!" Said Jamie, more relieved than ever that he wasn't getting flowers. "I'll make sure she gets them! Soooo… it's cool you could make it…" Started Jamie, as he took the bouquet. Ernie completely ignored the rest of whatever Jamie was muttering and instead walked over to Joan and Ted's side of the table.

"Hi there Mr. and Mrs. Lawson, I'm Ernie- I go to school with Vicki!" Said Ernie, trying to sound a little more pleasant than he usually did. He extended a hand to Ted and Ted shook it with a slight smile.

"Hi Ernie, I'm Ted- this is Joan.~" Said Ted, as he pulled Joan closer to him. Joan smiled and shook Ernie's hand too.

"It's very sweet of you to get her flowers, Ernie, we'll make sure that she knows they're from you." Said Joan. "…Have we met before? Did I teach one of your classes last year?" She asked. Ernie took his hand back and put both hands in his jeans pocket. Although he was wearing a nicer looking black over shirt, his classic tattered blue jeans and combat boots still seemed to be as much a part of him as his red spiked hair.

"I don't think so, most of my classes were in the basement." Said Ernie. Joan raised an eyebrow and mouthed an 'Oh' as she sat back in her chair. "You probably remember me from when I used to bully Jamie and his friends, but I'm a changed man now- I haven't put anyone in traction for a whole year!" Said Ernie, sounding very proud of himself. Ted cleared his throat.

"Ah, well- Ernie, it was nice meeting you- are you going to stay and watch Vicki sing?" Asked Ted, secretly hoping that the answer would be an unequivocal 'no'. Ernie nodded.

"Yeah, but then I gotta go home for dinner. I just wanted to come show my heartfelt support.~" Said Ernie, placing a hand over his chest. Joan smiled weakly and nodded.

"Thank you Ernie. You know I think when she's done she'll be able to talk, you should go see her then." Said Joan. Ernie nodded and started to walk away to go find some empty place to sit.

"I sure will! It was nice meeting you Mr. and Mrs. L!" He said as he went. Ted shrugged and bugged his eyes out at Joan.

"Traction?!" He said under his breath. "Jamie, is that the boy who gave you a black eye when you were in grade school?" Asked Ted. Jamie nodded.

"Yeah, he's also the jerk whose bike you ran over in the driveway way back when." Said Jamie. "Now he's the jerk who's Vicki's lab partner in biology." He added. Joan grimaced and shook her head.

"That boy? Her lab partner?" She asked, slightly amazed that the teacher would pair her precious little plastic daughter with the juvenile delinquent. Harriet smiled and scooted her chair closer to Jamie.

"Jamie, will you be my lab partner next year when I get to high school?" She asked, fluttering her eye lashes at him. Jamie stuck his tongue out in disgust.

"Only if you're the guinea pig for all the experiments." He said. Harriet nodded and leaned into him.

"It's a start! I'll even run around in circles on a big wheel for _you_!" She said. Ted laughed and looked around.

"There sure are a lot of kids from your high school here, Jamie. How many did you tell to come down here? I hope they're going to buy some pizza at least." Said Ted. Jamie nodded.

"I think I might have maybe told all of them." He said, gritting his teeth. "But I'm sure they'll order food too! It's pizza! High school students love pizza, it's a fact Dad." Said Jamie. Joan turned in her seat to look at Vicki.

"Well I think it's nice that so many kids showed up from your guys' school! I was getting worried that Vicki wasn't making too many friends in her new classes." Said Joan. Jamie remained silent on the issue, knowing full well that Vicki wasn't making any new friends lately. She had already been labeled as the smartest student in school, which for some reason seemed to carry along with it a stigma for everyone else.

"Oh! I think they're about to start the show!" Said Ted, nudging Jamie out of his thoughts. Jamie picked up the camcorder and got it ready to shoot again. Mr. Mario had come out and had started talking to Vicki and the other musicians, discussing the selection of songs and such. Jamie let his eyes wander around the room, looking for more familiar faces. He immediately found Paula sitting with her family at a table far off from his own. They waved at each other and smiled. He of course found Warren sitting at a table with some other nerds, and then spied of all people walking through the door- Reggie. Jamie's face lit up and he smiled and motioned for Reggie to come to his table, Reggie nodded and slowly made his way through the room towards Jamie.

"Hi Jamie! Mr. and Mrs. Lawson!" Said Reggie, as he was met by smiles and returned greetings. Reggie looked down at Harriet and her cheesy grin. "Harriet." He said simply.

"Reggie, where've you been? We barely see you at all anymore." Said Ted. Reggie sat down at the empty chair at the table.

"I've been stuck with heaps of homework. I haven't been able to bother anybody lately!" Said Reggie. Then he turned to Jamie. "Am I crazy or did I see that goon, Ernie walk in here with flowers?!" He asked. Jamie pointed to the bouquet on the table and smiled.

"Yeah, he probably stole em from some poor little old lady." Said Jamie.

" _Jamie_." Said Joan, in her disapproving way. "Are you here with your parents, Reggie? You're more than welcome to sit with us if you want!" She said. Reggie looked around behind him.

"Yeah, they're parking the car still. Some nut in a hippy van pulled out right in front of us and stole the last parking space out there." Said Reggie. "Hey there's the biology teacher!" Said Reggie, pointing to the dapper looking Mr. Perry. Vicki had come up to the table and was immediately hugged by Joan.

"What's the biology teacher doing here? Maybe he showed up on his own?" Said Ted. Jamie turned around and looked at Ted.

"Trust me, Dad, this guy is like a drill sergeant with a beaker. He never eats pizza and he never does anything fun." Said Jamie. Vicki nodded and pointed towards the door.

"That's my home etc. teacher, Ms. Lackey." She said. Jamie turned back around and spotted the very attractive young blonde woman now standing with the brutal biology teacher.

"Ooooh… I guess actions speak louder than words." Said Reggie, as he turned back around to face Vicki. He smiled at her and spoke. "Wow Vicki, you look like a movie star with that hair!" He said. Vicki touched one of her crunchy curls.

"It feels like my hair is candy coated." She replied. "We're going to start now, as soon as Mr. Mario introduces himself and his staff to everyone." Said Vicki. Ted patted Vicki on her back.

"Well Vicki, I'd tell you to have good luck, but you won't need it. You're gonna knock 'em dead!" He said. Vicki nodded.

"If you need any last minute understudy, I'm your girl!" Squealed Harriet. "Especially since we could all hear you practicing this week- I think even I know the words to Ave Maria…" She added.

"Harriet, if you get up there and start singing you'll put this place out of business." Said Jamie. Harriet crossed her arms. "Good luck Vicki, I'll say it!" He said. Vicki smiled and nodded and then turned to leave, trekking back up to the platform with the rest of the music players. Soon thereafter, Mr. Mario stood in front of his bar and tapped a wine glass with a spoon to gain everyone's attention. The restaurant's attendees collectively hushed and turned their attentions to the large man in white at the front of the bar.

"Gratzi!" Began Mr. Mario. "I want to thank everyone for coming to our grand re-opening!" He said. Then he pushed his cousin in his tall white chef hat forward. The man took his hat off and bowed, revealing his quickly balding head. "My cousin! Luigi!" Said Mr. Mario, as he stepped back. Luigi Antony put his hat back on and spoke up, with as much flair as his cousin.

"Mama! There's a lot of people here tonight!" He exclaimed, netting a hefty amount of laughter from the patrons. "My name is Chef Luigi Antony~ and tonight Imma take care of the cooking! Itsa going to be so good, you won't be able to stop yourself from having just one more bite! Tonight only, we're going to offer you a wheelbarrow service from your table to your car! Very cheap, you come see me!" He said, with a big smile on his face. The restaurant erupted in laughter and clapping, except of course for the table adjacent to the Lawsons.

Jamie turned his head and looked at the three snooty looking people in the seats. Two prim and proper looking men, both in their 60's at the earliest, and a very fancy looking woman in a gown that looked fit for a red carpet event, sat at the table looking not at all amused. One of the two men took out a tiny flipbook from his shirt pocket and started to jot down some notes of the affair, and the woman simply sniffed at her wine glass. Jamie switched his attention to Reggie, who in turn was paying more attention to the stage where Vicki was at. Jamie looked over at the stage too, just in time to see his sister drop a coin down to the ground below. She almost looked perplexed, or annoyed even. Before Jamie could address it, the chef started his talking again.

"We have everything on the menu to cook for you tonight~ and we have breadsticks for everyone while you wait! My cousin Mario, he has a saying~!" Said the Chef, as he and Mr. Mario put an arm around the other's shoulder.

" _Pancia mia, fatti capanna_!" They both said in unison. Then the chef went jogging past the bar and towards the kitchen. "That means make room for food!" He shouted as he entered the doors. Mr. Mario laughed and clapped his hands together.

"Thank you again everyone! Now we have a special treat for your ears, before we treat your mouths! Tonight we have a very talented bambina- she gonna sing opera for you like you never hear before! Please for you to welcome, Vicki _Law-son_ ~!" Said Mr. Mario, motioning with his hand towards the stage. He had really emphasized the last name, obviously he had taken great care to get it right. The restaurant attendees clapped and quieted down for the music. The girl in the white gown with her slightly crunchy curled hair approached the front of the stage, and she bowed for everyone. Then the piano started up, and the musicians began to play an aria titled 'Mi chiamano Mimi'.

Ted and Joan smiled at each other as Vicki began to sing her part, and they could hear a few murmurs in the restaurant, while Harriet's mouth dropped open slightly as her neighbor vocalized on the stage. Even the food critics at their table seemed a little dazzled by the unreal sound of Vicki's singing. Of course, there was one person who knew how unreal it really was- but he wasn't in the restaurant.

Mr. Andrews sat outside in his flowery decaled Volkswagen bus, surrounded by electronic equipment and loose wires. He held his over sized earphones to his head and listened intently to the dulcet sound from inside the newly remodeled Culla del Gatto. His crazed eyes darted around, looking at his various readouts as they appeared on his ticker tape machine, and he smiled as the music went on. Tonight, he'd just give the Lawson family a taste of things to come- but soon, soon enough he'd have his revenge!

He was a ruined and ostracized man, because of his incident- some four years prior. An incident that had gotten him fired from his job at Tentrex Electronics, and had landed him in jail for almost a whole year. No one would listen to him about Ted Lawson and his artificially intelligent robot- they laughed at him. They all laughed! Andrews smirked and punched up his radio signal output device.

"Let's see who's laughing now!" Said Andrews, as he began to wildly turn the dials on his device. Back inside the restaurant, as Vicki finished the first piece of music, the patrons of the Culla del Gatto began to applaud just as an army of waiters and waitresses came from the kitchen, arms fully loaded with breadsticks and little dishes of varying shapes. Vicki took a polite bow and then straightened back up, turning to listen to the violinist speak about the next aria.

"Gratzi!" Said the lady with the violin. "We'll be doing three more pieces for you tonight, but feel free to chat while we're playing, and of course your servers will be with you all shortly to take your orders~!" She said. There was a snapping sound from the violinist's instrument, and she quickly took her hand away from it. She shook it and smiled.

"You been playin' too fast, Carly." Said the man on the flute. Carly, the violinist smiled and nodded.

"Not yet! The next piece of music tonight is Mozart's 'Queen of the night' from the magic flute." She said for the patrons of the audience. Then she looked to Vicki and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure this is the one you want to do?" She asked, quietly so that only Vicki would hear her. Vicki nodded and turned back towards the patrons of the restaurant.

Ted smiled at Vicki and gave her the ok sign with his hand, and Vicki returned his smile. Back in the kitchen, Chef Luigi and his trusted cooks began to cook the incoming orders, all the while happily listening to the opera pieces being performed. Order after order came in, but Luigi was only concerned about one table in particular, the grinders.

"The girl, she's good!" Said one of the cooks, as the music started up. Vicki's singing could be heard quite clearly, even amongst all the noises of the kitchen. Luigi smiled and nodded as he quickly began to work on the first orders of the night. Far off in the corner of the kitchen, the prep cook hummed along to the unreal sound of Vicki's almost flute like voice as he chopped and diced vegetables for the oncoming storm of pizzas and pastas. Up and down his knife went, so close to his fingers that any onlookers might panic and think that he would lose at least one of his digits in the process. Luckily, that had never happened to him- unfortunately something completely different was about to. Vicki hit a high note, and at just the same moment, the prep cook's knife went flying upwards into the air and stuck itself into the ceiling.

"Ey! Bravo!" Said a snarky cook as he turned around and began clapping at the puzzled looking prep cook. The other cooks turned and laughed, adding to the applause.

"Mama-mia! The knife goes in the tomatoes, not the attic!" Said Luigi, as he tossed a pizza dough into the air. Back out in the restaurant, the patrons started clapping as Vicki continued her perfect notes, and even the violinist looked a little awed. Jamie, who was still filming, swung his camera around to see the customers and then swung it back again. The camera focused on Vicki again, but Jamie noticed an oddity on the screen- a very slow moving sound bar moving from the top of the screen down to the bottom.

"Hmm." Said Jamie, as he fiddled with the tracking buttons. Reggie reached over and tapped him on the shoulder.

"When'd she learn to sing like that?!" He asked, with his eyes wide. Harriet shook her head and leaned away from Reggie so that she could continue watching the stage. Jamie smiled and put the camera back up to see Vicki.

"In the car, mostly." He said. Reggie blinked and sat back into his seat, transfixed by the girl on stage. Vicki lifted her arms as she began to hit the up scaling notes of the aria once more, making little gestures with her hands as she sang. That's when it happened in the kitchen, the gestures and the repeating high notes. Luigi's most trusted cook swayed to the music in the restaurant, while rolling some dough out for raviolis, and went to grab a metal spatula. As he grabbed for it, the spatula seemingly disagreed with his actions and instead spun around away from him. He and the cook next to him both jumped in surprise at the bizarre incident.

Luigi looked on, also taken by the curious spectacle, until his own spatula flipped end over end into the air and landed with a crash onto the floor. Everyone in the kitchen fell silent and Luigi stepped back from his work station. Another cook's knife shifted ever so slightly on a cutting board and everyone froze. Vicki continued singing and moving to the music of the aria back in the restaurant, and people were clapping again for the performance. The Maitre de smiled and made his way to the back of the restaurant and into the kitchen.

"Lovely singing voice, don't you think, Chef?" He asked, as he put a few more orders on the line for the cooks. The Maitre de looked around at the worried looking line cooks and tucked his thumbs into his pants pockets. "Taking a break already?" He asked, only slightly joking. One of the cooks simply pointed to the knife on the cutting board, and the Maitre de looked down at it. Nothing happened, and the song out in the restaurant ended to great applause and even some cheers.

"Everybody, back to work! Maybe just some, how they say here, the earth shakes!" Said Luigi, as he found his nerves again. The other cooks quickly went back to their stations and started cooking their orders again. The orders were starting to go up in the window, and the Maitre de left, shaking his head slightly at the loony band of kitchen staff that he now worked with. Luigi looked back down at his spatula and gulped.

"Chef?" Asked a cook from the line. Luigi jumped and held his chest, jolted by the sudden noise of the man's voice. The cook grimaced and held his hands up in front of him. "I'm sorry… I was just wondering how we'll know which ticket is for the critic's table?" Asked the cook. Luigi regained his composure and wiped some sweat from his forehead with a towel.

"They wait always- they like a busy kitchen to judge!" He said, as he finished up a few plates in front of him. The cook nodded and returned to his duties, just as the prep cook in the corner jumped up and grabbed his knife out of the ceiling.

* * *

Back in the restaurant, the Violinist tugged on Vicki's dress to get her attention. She smiled at Vicki and gave her a thumbs up, then began to rosin her bow up. Vicki turned back towards the crowd and looked out over the sea of faces, and got a slightly confused look on her face. For the briefest of seconds, Vicki had picked up a tiny bit of static in her visual matrix. It was very odd, but not really a huge concern- she would sometimes get static from vacuum cleaners too. Possibly one was in use in the kitchen, or maybe a heavy duty blender of some kind. Vicki smiled at everyone and folded her hands in front of her.

"Our next song is a piece called 'La donna e mobile' from the opera Rigoletto, written by Verdi." She said. The violinist stood up and leaned forward, she whispered something into Vicki's ear and then sat back down. Vicki nodded and focused on the patrons again. "Also, try the cannolis." She added. The music started back up and Joan quickly leaned over to Ted.

"Look at that food critic, Ted! The little troll's got earplugs in!" She whispered, a little angrily. Ted glanced over at the small hunched over man and frowned.

"Let's hope he's not as hard on the food!" He whispered back to her.

Back in the kitchen, as the music went on and Vicki began her singing again, the cooks dutifully completed order after order. Luigi smiled at how quick everything was being finished, and he began to sing along with Vicki. The cooks started laughing and humming along too as they completed their tasks. The jolly atmosphere was ruined as Vicki hit a long held note out in the restaurant- she motioned with her hands as she sang, and the back in the kitchen a large cooking pot stood up on it's handle. All the cooks froze again, mouths agape at the impossibility of the balancing act. Vicki continued her singing and gesturing, and ladles started flying through the air. The prep cook was the first one to scream.

His knife was floating upward into the air, spinning slowly until it reached his eye level. Then it went speeding into the wall in front of him. The other cooks started screaming too, with Luigi running around and trying to calm them all down. The pot that had been on it's handle started spinning around, and it too went flying- towards the retreating cooks. They all screamed and ducked just as the pot crumpled against the wall.

"Mama mia! The restaurant, she's haunted!" Yelled Luigi. Vicki continued her singing and began to really motion with her hands, just as she had seen Luciano Pavarotti do before. Ladle after ladle, spoon after spoon, and even an egg whisk or two came flying at the kitchen staff back in the kitchen. Luigi grabbed a wooden pizza board and started smacking the incoming utensils away from him and his cooks. The sounds of the metal objects hitting the walls and floor couldn't be ignored, and finally a very concerned Maitre de came bounding in through the kitchen's large swinging door.

"What the devil is going on in here!…" started the Maitre de. Before Luigi could answer, the large chef knife that had been on the cutting board by Luigi's station rose up into the air and slowly started floating towards the conglomeration of cooks. The Maitre de's mouth dropped open as he witnessed the ghostly event, and the cooks started to panic and run for the door. Vicki began to finish the song with an extremely long held note, and Luigi screamed out- nearly matching her pitch as the knife went zipping through the air right at him. He put the pizza board up in front of him and the knife stuck into it's middle with a thud. The music outside ended in it's dramatic fashion, and amid the clapping, Luigi and his cooks all ran out the back door of the kitchen. "Wait! Don't go! You've still got orders to get to!" Yelled the Maitre de. He glanced down at the knife and quickly went back through the swinging doors, shutting them tightly behind him.

"Can we get some more glasses of… water…" Asked a man sitting at a table across from the doors. The Maitre de smiled his impish grin and gave the man a courteous nod.

"Of course sir. Lemons, no lemons?" Asked The Maitre de, as he turned around and tied the doors of the kitchen shut with a nearby napkin.

"No lemons… is everything okay back there?" Asked the man. The Maitre de clapped his hands together and smiled again.

"Everything's in tip top shape! Nothing to worry about! I'll be right back with those waters for you." He said, as he walked with a quickened pace towards the bar.

"Looks like something happened in the kitchen." Said Ted, as he nudged Joan. "Look!" He said. Joan looked over at the panic stricken Maitre de, as he started conversing with Mr. Mario. Mr. Mario's face grew pale, and he trembled slightly.

"Uh oh… it sure looks like bad news!" She whispered back to him. Harriet leaned across the table and smiled up at Ted and Joan.

"You two sure are whispering a lot! What are you guys talking about?" She asked. Ted smirked at her.

"Harriet, I'm surprised you couldn't hear what we were saying. Don't you have your mother's ears?" He asked. Joan elbowed him in his ribs.

"Well, she's got her mother's mouth." Said Reggie from the back of the table. Jamie laughed and kept filming the event. Harriet rolled her eyes at Reggie and turned back to Ted.

"I don't need her ears, Mr. Lawson! I've got her eyes! I'm almost as good at reading lips as she is!" Said Harriet. Joan raised an eyebrow.

"Harriet, you can read lips? That's amazing, you never told us that!" She said. Harriet nodded.

"Oh sure, if I had told you before, you'd all cover your mouths while you were talking." She said.

"Fair point." Said Ted. "Okay Harriet, you can read lips? What's Mr. Mario and the Maitre de talking about?" He asked. Harriet stared over at the bar and the two men.

"The skinny one is saying 'They're half way down the block by now, they wouldn't come back anyways.'… and now the fat one is saying, 'I'm ruined- ruined- mama meatball?'" Said Harriet. Ted cringed and looked over at Joan.

"That doesn't sound good at all." Said Ted. "I wonder what happened?" Asked Ted. Harriet shushed him and Joan squinted over at the bar where Mr. Mario and the Maitre de were talking.

"The fat one is saying, 'My own cushion, leaving me over a goat?'… he said goat." Said Harriet.

"A goat?" Asked Reggie, as he traded a glance with Jamie. Harriet nodded.

"Yep, a goat! Now the skinny one is saying, 'We'll have to tell everybody to go home!' Oh no!" Said Harriet. Ted and Joan looked at each other.

"What could have happened? Maybe I should go talk to them?…" Began Ted. Before he could leave his seat, Vicki had joined them again at the table. Ted gave her a quick smile and patted her on the shoulder. "Ah, Vicki! You did great! Everyone loved you…" He started to say. She grabbed Ted by his arm and pulled him away from the table.

"I have to talk to you." She said, in a very adamant tone. Ted pulled his arm back a bit.

"But Vicki- I think I should go have a talk with-" Ted couldn't finish his sentence. His little robotic creation pulled him far away from his table and towards the far corner of the restaurant.

"I have to talk with you, now." She said, even more adamantly. Vicki dragged Ted to a more private area of the restaurant, by a server stand, and then lifted her hand up for him to see. Several pieces of silverware sprung up from the server station behind them and went sailing to Vicki's arm with little pinging noises as they stuck to her. She put her hands on her hips and stared up at him. Ted struggled to pull one of the spoons off of her arm, he finally tore it away from her, bending the spoon in the process.

"Yuri Gellar, eat your heart out." Said Ted, with a smile on his face. He let the spoon drop to the floor, and watched it as it immediately jumped back up to Vicki's knee and stick there. "Okay Vicki, we're obviously having a problem here, is your RadioThermonic Generator outputting abnormal fluctuations that you can see?" Asked Ted. Vicki shook her head, and a butter knife went flying to her cheek. She plucked it away from her face.

"My self diagnostic shows that I'm running at full capacity within my preset parameters- all my systems are functioning normally." She said. Then she dropped the butter knife, and let it slowly rise back up to her hand. "I'm beginning to think that that might not be the case…" She added. Ted looked around to see that no one could see the two of them and then motioned for Vicki to turn around.

"Did it just start happening?" Asked Ted, as he took out his screwdriver and started trying to open Vicki's back circuit access panel. The panel wouldn't budge and Ted made a clicking noise with his tongue.

"No, last night a kitchen knife stuck to my hand, but it fell down on it's own." Said Vicki. "Jamie's coming." She added, as she turned her head to see him. Ted stood up straight with his arms crossed, genuinely concerned over the panel's refusal to open. Jamie joined the two of them, camcorder still in hand and looking very excited.

"Ghosts!" Said Jamie, with a big smile on his face. Ted pressed on Vicki's access panel again.

"Ghosts? What about ghosts?" He asked absently. Jamie shook the camcorder at Ted.

"All the cooks and that chef ran outta here because there's a ghost in the kitchen! I think I even caught something on tape, I'm gonna send it in to one of those shows on that FOX network!" He said, nodding. Ted scrunched his mouth up and gently gave Vicki a whack on her shoulder, causing her access panel to open. Ted gave himself a little cheer and went about working around Vicki's gown to view her circuit boards. Jamie continued. "See, you can see it right here when Vicki is singing! It's like a weird sound bar or something, like when I tried to record a movie off of the T.V…" He said.

"Mm-hmm." Said Ted. Then he perked up and looked at a Jamie. "A sound bar?" Asked Ted, as he grabbed the camcorder from Jamie. Ted looked through the camera playback and watched as the slow moving fuzz went down the screen in front of Vicki.

"I picked up static electricity on my visual data when that happened." Interjected Vicki. Jamie looked at the two of them.

"What's going on? What's wrong with Vicki?" He asked. Ted stood up from behind Vicki with a strange look on his face, and handed the camera back to Jamie. Vicki showed Jamie her arm and shook it in front of him. "Vicki, I'm shocked. Stealing the good silver from a family restaurant." He said jokingly, shaking his head at her.

"Jamie, make sure no one's coming." Said Ted. Jamie shrugged and turned his attention to the restaurant. He spied Mr. Mario hurriedly running to the kitchen with a few of his servers.

"Looks like Mr. Mario is going to try to cook the last orders!" Said Jamie, as he leaned up against the wall. "I wouldn't go back there, not with that ghost running around." Ted cleared his throat and whispered at Jamie.

"Jamie! There is no ghost! I think Vicki may have magnetized the entire kitchen somehow!" Said Ted, as he feverishly went about checking Vicki's systems. "Sound bar, sound bar, sound bar…" He kept repeating as he searched.

"I'm the ghost." Said Vicki, with an acknowledging nod to Jamie. "Maybe you can still send me into the FOX network." She said.

"Oh!" Said Ted. He stood up from behind Vicki again. "Oh…" He repeated. Both Jamie and Vicki turned their heads to see him.

"Oh what?" Asked Jamie.

"Yeah, oh what?" Repeated Vicki. Ted shook his head and pulled a tiny chip from one of Vicki's boards, and all the silverware dropped away from her body. It fell on the floor with a loud clinking noise, and rested there, completely demagnetized. "Thanks, I needed that." Said Vicki.

"First things first, we've got to go see if we can help Mr. Mario with anything- this is kind of our fault. Kind of. Come on, go get your mother and meet us in the kitchen." Said Ted. Jamie nodded and trotted off to go get Joan, leaving Vicki alone with Ted. Ted tightened Vicki's gown back up and turned her around by the shoulders to look at her in the face. "Vicki, did you tune in to any HAM radio stations by any chance? Or maybe pick up some signals from a radio controlled toy?" Asked Ted. Vicki shook her head.

"No, I've been on my preset frequencies only." She answered. Ted bit his lip and looked at the chip in his hand.

"Okay. Let's just keep away from radio stations for a while. Now tell me, how much do you know about Italian cooking?" Asked Ted. Vicki shrugged.

* * *

Antony Mario desperately looked over the remaining twenty or so orders on the rail that hung above the flattop grill of his kitchen. The final order was that of the three food critics that had come to chop down his proverbial cherry tree- with the final item on the ticket being a particularly nasty request of a plain old cheese pizza. His loyal but slightly shaken Maitre de stood by his side, doing the best he could with what little cooking knowledge he had gained over his years in the food service. Although Mario had the ability to cook quite well his lack of speed was nothing to be ignored. He started the second order on the rail, tears welling up in his eyes, and a lump gathering in his throat.

"A ghost! Mama-mia!" He muttered to himself as he rolled out some pizza dough. "They'll think ghost when I'm done with them!" He added. The Maitre de silently nodded. The swinging kitchen door opened up and the Lawson family appeared through the doorway and into the kitchen.

"Mr. Lawson! I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to return to your table, your server should be with you soon!" Said the Maitre de, as he fumbled over folding a calzone. "We're having a slight technical issue with the kitchen staff…" He added, glancing around for any floating knives. Antony Mario nodded vigorously in agreement.

"So we heard. Mr. Mario is there anything we can do to help?" Asked Ted. Mr. Mario waved him away.

"No, no! Itsa my bed to sleep in!" He said. Ted got a confused looked on his face, and the Maitre de shrugged at him.

"I don't suppose that any of you are experienced formally trained chefs, are you?" He asked. Joan patted Vicki's shoulders and smiled.

"Well, I took a few culinary classes in college, and Vicki here is a pretty accomplished gourmet herself!" Said Joan. Jamie nodded and nudged Vicki forward.

"That's right! Vicki can even make mom's recipes taste like something from a restaurant!" He said, very proudly. Jamie felt his mother's look of disbelief without even looking at her, and cleared his throat. "I mean that they both cook really good food. I wouldn't miss a helping of my mom's pot roast!" He added.

"Thanks a lot, Jamie." Said Joan, with a tiny smirk crossing her face. Antony Mario shook his head.

"Gratzi you Lawsons, but itsa no good! I have twenty orders here, and no cooks! Only Luigi was a fast enough for a night like this! I'm ruined!" Said Mr. Mario. "A knife falls off the table, and they all run outta here screaming ghosts!" Ted grimaced and looked around at his family. Then he turned back to the Maitre de.

"I ain't afraid of no ghost!" Said Ted, with a big dopey smile on his face. The Maitre de sighed out and shook his head. "Well, suppose you offered a kind of free round of wine for everyone? Would it buy you some time?" Asked Ted. The Maitre de nodded and finished his sloppy looking calzone.

"It would, but even with that we wouldn't have the time to get all of these done! Not to mention the food critics at table 12! This is just the sort of thing that they love- a restaurant failing to put food on the table in a timely manner! The vultures will probably pick this place apart in the morning paper!" He said, his thick accent making some of his words a little hard to understand. "We'd need to get all of our cooks back to even start to catch up." Said the Maitre de.

"No, you go, maybe Vicki you can sing one more opera for everyone?" Said Antony Mario as he finally put his pizza together. Vicki stepped away from Joan and up to the kitchen line area, her arms crossed and her weight shifted onto one foot. She looked very much like an annoyed actress from a certain science fiction movie.

"I could sing ten more arias of opera, and you still wouldn't be done." She said.

"We're doing the best we can! If you can do any better then by all means be my guest." Said the Maitre de, a little defensively, as he stuck his horribly folded calzone in one of the pizza ovens. Vicki put her hands on her hips and strolled up to the recipe book on the counter behind the Maitre de, and then quickly flipped through it. She turned around and nudged the Maitre de in the arm until he reluctantly moved aside from his cutting board. "Really, I didn't mean to…" Began the Maitre de. Before he could finish his sentence the girl in the crunchy curls and white toga gown began to roll out a large piece of dough in front of him, and within seconds she had flipped it over and applied a generous amount of sauce to it- without spilling any over the sides.

"Mama mia!" Said Antony Mario, as he watched Vicki move her hands over the cold table vegetables and meats, dropping them into the calzone so fast that he could barely see her fingers open and close. She added some cheese, and then quick as a flash folded the calzone in a large bend. Then she set about crinkling the edges of the calzone with her fingers, striking out at the dough as fast as boxer might throw his fists at a speed bag. Vicki placed the finished calzone on a metal tray and put it into the same oven as the Maitre de's botched creation. It had taken her slightly over twenty seconds, but Vicki was pleased enough with her time. "I don't believe it!" Said Mr. Mario.

"Believe it." Said Vicki, as she stood looking up at the Maitre de.

"That's amazing! How can anyone be that fast?!" Asked the Maitre de.

"Vicki watches a lot of that Julia Child show on T.V." Offered up Jamie. Joan nodded and smiled.

"On fast forward sometimes." She added. Ted cleared his throat and took Vicki by the shoulders.

"At any rate, Mr. Mario- we'd all happily help back here if you'd let us! I mean it would be terrible if you and all your staff worked so hard for this, and Vicki too!" He said, causing Vicki to look up at him. "If the restaurant gets panned, then Vicki's big break into opera would go unnoticed too. You see?" Asked Ted. Mr. Mario nodded.

"Si, I see…" He said. "You do me too many good favors, how can I pay you for this too?!" Asked Mr. Mario, sounding a little relieved. Ted scratched his chin and looked over at Joan, who just returned a shrug of the shoulders to him.

"Free pizza for life wouldn't be bad!" Said Jamie, grasping his hands together in front of him. Mr. Mario laughed.

"How about doing a good deed is it's own reward, bucko?" Asked Joan, placing a hand on Jamie's shoulder. "Mr. Mario, you don't have to pay us back for anything! Why don't we just consider it a friendly thank you for giving Vicki such a golden opportunity to sing for so many people?" She said. Ted gave a nod.

"That's right, and you should be out there mingling with your customers and keeping those critics happy! Vicki and the rest of us can all pitch in and handle this, right guys?" Said Ted, addressing his family.

"You're half right." Said Vicki. Ted shot her a quick look and then clapped his hands together.

"If we need any help, we'll come get the Maitre de!" He said. Mr. Mario and the Maitre de looked at each other.

"It's bad manners- having your guests cook for everyone…" Started Mr. Mario.

"It'd be much worse to have all the other guests leave hungry." Said The Maitre de, as he put his hands on his hips. "I'm no good back here, Mr. Mario, my place is out there on the floor." He added. Mr. Mario stood for several seconds mulling it over, and staring at the tickets on the railing above the flattop grill.

"Okay." He said. "Gratzi, I pay you back for this Lawsons- I swear it!" Said Mr. Mario, bowing his head in both relief and shame. He and the Maitre de walked off of the kitchen line and took off their aprons.

"Alright!" Said Ted, very happy. "Don't worry, we'll be fine back here!" He said, patting Antony Mario on the back as he walked past. Mr. Mario stopped and pointed to the final ticket on the rail.

"That one- it's for the grinders! Please you come get me for that one, yes?" He said. Ted nodded and shooed him onward.

"You got it." Said Ted, as he put an apron on. Vicki nodded and gave the thumbs up to Mr. Mario and the Maitre de. The Maitre de smiled his impish grin and pushed the doors open for Mr. Mario.

"With hands that fast, she just might have those orders done before the hour!" Said the Maitre de as Mr. Mario exited through the doors. Jamie and Joan both smiled.

"She might!" Said Joan, with a knowing tone to her voice. The Maitre de took one more glance around the kitchen and gave them both a quick little nod, and then exited as well. Joan watched through the windows of the swinging doors to see that the two men were far enough away.

"All clear?" Asked Ted. Joan nodded and threw him an OK sign with her hand.

"Yep! Looks like Mr. Mario is taking your advice on that toast!" Said Joan. Ted smiled and stepped away from the kitchen line, letting Vicki pass by him.

"Okay Vicki, full speed ahead!" Said Ted. Vicki nodded and scanned the remaining tickets on the railing.

"Full speed ahead." She repeated. Then she looked up at Ted and shooed him further away from the line. She waited until he had scampered off to join Joan and Jamie, and then opened the cold table lid behind her. She began quickly setting down the portions of dough and various pastas at lightning speed. Vicki moved at a much faster pace than she had previously shown to Mr. Mario and the Maitre de, and her hands began to blur as she threw the orders together with her mechanical precision.

"I guess!" Said Jamie, as he watched Vicki in awe. "Those poor servers aren't going to be able to keep up!" He said. Joan nodded in agreement and watched as her robot daughter sliced an entire full link of pepperoni in seconds, and laid then with one singular move of her arm all the pieces on her various food items. In the span of ten seconds, Vicki had completed the first three tickets, and she casually walked the fifteen or so items over to the oven to finish them off.

"Well, at least I can help put them in the oven for you Vicki." Said Joan, as she grabbed Ted's apron from him. "Here, I'll stand down here, and you just pass the food down to me that needs to be thrown in the oven." She said. Vicki nodded and started throwing more dough and pasta plates up onto the cutting boards in front of them.

"Got it~!" Said Vicki, as she started throwing the next batch of orders together. "I can work with that~." She added. Ted smiled and looked down at Jamie.

"Come on Jamie, you've left poor Reggie alone with Harriet long enough." Said Ted. Jamie agreed with a big nod in response.

"I'll be lucky if he ever talks to me again after this. What are you gonna do, Dad?" Asked Jamie. Ted took the round chip that had been in Vicki's circuit board out of his pants pocket and flipped it up into the air with his thumb.

"I'm going to see what's causing this mess. I can use the camcorder and this chip to track down where all the radio interference is coming from that's causing all of Vicki's troubles lately." He said. "For all we know it's one those fancy cellular phones that's causing it." Vicki finished her second batch of orders and passed them down to Joan, who started to quickly throw them into the oven.

"Don't you go breaking one of those phones, Ted! They cost upwards of eleven hundred dollars!" Said Joan, as she closed the oven door. Vicki began her next volley of orders, and looked over at Ted.

"They can bill me." She said. Then she quickly returned to her work. Jamie giggled and pointed at Vicki as Ted ushered him out of the kitchen.

"Aliens!…" Began Jamie, as they both disappeared into the restaurant.

* * *

Somewhere outside of the Culla del Gatto restaurant, very near the full parking lot but behind the smallish row of trees closer to the building's dumpster area, stood a very annoyed looking teenage boy with spiky red hair dressed in a mismatched over shirt and blue jeans. He leaned up against a tree and crossed his arms, cursing himself for looking so stupid in front of Vicki's parents. Desperately, the forlorn youth wanted to go back inside and watch the girl sing, but his seething anger at himself was too much to hide.

"Count to ten." Said Ernie to himself as he began to pace around the trees. "Stop being a moron and count to ten!" He hissed at himself. Just as he had reached five, some idiot in an old Volkswagen bus cackled loudly, and Ernie was thrown off of his numerical road to recovery. The bus in question was a particular eyesore, painted up with a bunch of colorful flowers that only hippies could enjoy looking at. Ernie shook his head and breathed out.

"HA!" Yelled the same idiot from the bus. Ernie squinted over at the bus and craned to see the man in the vehicle. "Let's see how they like this!" Came his voice again. Ernie strolled up to the bus and put his ear against the side door, listening intently to the sounds emanating from within. Strange sounds came from the bus, electrical buzzing and bizarre beeping noises. He furrowed his brow and shook his head at the weirdness of it. The sounds stopped abruptly, and the man in the bus made a discontented sound. The idiot had fallen silent, and Ernie went back to the dumpster area to regain his composure.

"What a freak." Said Ernie, thinking about the weirdo in the bus. He stood up against the tree again and looked toward the front of the building. Ernie decided that he would either go back into the restaurant right then, or call his mother to come pick him up. He dug into his pockets for a coin and produced a shiny quarter, but before he could toss the coin into the air- he spied Vicki's father leaving the restaurant with a camcorder in his hands. He watched as the strange Mr. Lawson stared down at the camcorder while walking in between the cars in the parking lot. Vicki's father, apparently, was just as odd as she was. Mr. Lawson turned on his heels towards Ernie's direction and began walking right at him. "Mr. Lawson." Said Ernie, as the man approached him. A muffled cry came from the bus next to Ernie, and he could hear the man inside fumbling around before going completely silent.

"Ernie!" Said Ted, as he lowered his camcorder and walked up to the boy. "What are you doing out here? Taking a break from all the hubbub?" He asked. Ernie nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I'm out enjoying some fresh air." He stated, simply enough. "Only I gotta go home pretty soon, so I'll call for my m- a cab." Said Ernie, catching himself.

"Oh. Well I think there's a phone by the Maitre de's stand, I'd bet he'd let you use it." Said Ted, as he put the camcorder behind his back. Ernie nodded and peaked behind Ted.

"What's with the camera?" He asked. Ted stood there looking at Ernie as if he hadn't heard him at first, then brought the camcorder around to his front, shaking it.

"Oh this? I'm just recording some stuff for posterity. Maybe I'll edit the tape and send it into Star Search for Vicki." Said Ted, with a big smile on his face. Ernie smiled and nodded back, and was about to reply with something but he was interrupted by something quite unexpected. Ernie rang. That is to say that from his shirt came a loud trilling noise that couldn't at all be ignored. Ted blinked at the boy, as he produced from his nice over shirt a very expensive top of the line cellular phone. A MicroTAC to be exact. Ted looked down at his camcorder and sighed out in both disbelief and annoyance. "I don't believe it." He said, as Ernie answered his cell phone.

"Hello?" Asked Ernie, very sheepishly. Ted looked on and turned his camcorder off. "Uh-huh." Said Ernie. "Uh-huh." He said again. "Okay bye." He said, flipping the phone closed. The two stood there staring at each other in anticipation of what the other might say. "I didn't steal it." Said Ernie.

"There's something not quite right about this situation…" Said Ted, as he bobbed his head a little impatiently. "Lemme guess, you saved up all your allowance for a whole year." He said. Ernie gave him a weak smile.

"It's my folks- they made me take it with me." He said. Ted nodded and shook his camcorder again.

"Well- anyways, gotta continue the posterity." He said. Ernie smiled and nodded back at him.

"Right." He said. With that, the two parted ways, Ernie further behind the dumpster area and Ted back into the restaurant. As the doors closed behind Ted, Ernie heard an audible breath of relief from the Volkswagen bus. The vehicle started to life and screeched out of the parking lot with much urgency. It turned the corner and very nearly toppled over from the steep turn that it took. "Freak." Said Ernie, as he shook his head and went to go wait for his parents.

Ted scratched his head in wonder at Ernie's cellular phone, as he entered into the restaurant. He wondered over the circumstances of how a hooligan like that would be entrusted with such an expensive electronic device, and very nearly walked into a server in his pondering daze. The woman squeaked in panic, as her full tray of food nearly hit Ted in his face, but they both got out of each other's way in time. Ted looked around the restaurant, and smiled wide as he watched every server on the floor busily taking out orders to their respective tables. Jamie had been right- they were having trouble keeping up with the insurmountable speed at which his marvelous invention was cooking. Ted trotted down the stairs and made his way to the kitchen, dodging panicked looking servers as he went. Jamie and Reggie waved at him as he passed by, and Harriet only briefly smiled at him as she was on the stage annoying the musicians.

"Mr. Mario said to get him for the final order." Said Vicki, as Ted entered into the kitchen. Joan looked over from her place at the oven and smiled at her husband.

"Look at this Ted! She got it all done in fifteen minutes!" Said Joan, very proudly. "She kept the oven completely full the whole time!" She added.

"Well that's just terrific! Vicki, you saved the day." Said Ted, as he gave Vicki a pat on her shoulder. Vicki gave him a nod and smiled, and then held the final ticket out towards him.

"This is the grinder's ticket." She stated. Ted grabbed the order and stuck his head out the kitchen door and waved to Antony Mario, who was busy conversing with the Maitre de. He happily waved back and began to jog towards the kitchen.

"Here he comes." Said Ted. Mr. Mario burst into the kitchen and immediately latched onto Ted, squeezing him in a large embrace and kissing him on both sides of his face.

"Mr. Lawson! Gratzi! Gratzi!" He sang out. He let go of the red faced Mr. Lawson and then bent down towards Vicki. "And Vicki! Gratzi most of all! You save my life, my home, my business! How can I ever repay you?! Anything, anything at all!" He said, as he shook her by the shoulders. Vicki shrugged.

"Can I cook a pizza in the brick oven sometime?" She asked, finally after thinking about it for a while. Mr. Mario smiled at her.

"Of course! That's all? You've done so much! There must be something!?" Said Mr. Mario. Vicki thought about it again, and then gave him a nod.

"Can I also have some figs?" She asked. Ted blinked at his robot creation in true surprise.

"Figs, Vicki?" He asked. She nodded emphatically. Mr. Mario smiled and shrugged.

"Okay, I get you some figs! No problem!" He said. Then Vicki grabbed the final ticket from Ted and showed the order to Mr. Mario.

"Also, this is the grinder's ticket, can I cook it and serve it to them tableside?" She asked. Mr. Mario cringed, and then slowly smiled.

"For you Vicki, I let you cook in my restaurant anything you want to! Cook-cook, I tell the grinders for you!" Said Mr. Mario. "This time, you cook and Mario sings!" He said, throwing a triumphant index finger into the air. Then he began to vocalize a few scales up and down while exiting through the kitchen doors. Ted turned to Vicki.

"Vicki, what are you doing?! Tableside service for the food critics?!" He exclaimed. "These are some of the rudest customers any restaurant could ever ask for- are you sure about this?" He asked, trying to mask his very real concern. Joan piped up too, and took off her apron as she joined Vicki and Ted.

"That's right, it's their job to give a restaurant a hard time- they pick over food like they're looking for any signs of imperfection- it's a lot of pressure." She offered up. "You already saved his grand opening night Vicki, why on earth would you want to throw yourself up onto their chopping block?" Asked Joan. Vicki turned to face Joan and took her apron from her.

"I liked singing the opera tonight." She said simply, as she pulled the apron up over her head and tied the strings around herself. Ted smiled and crossed his arms.

"Yes, you did a very good job, Vicki." He said with a glint in his eye. Joan gave a nod and ruffled Vicki's crunchy hair a bit.

"That's right, but what's that got to do with wanting to cook for the vultur- er, food critics?" She asked. Vicki looked around at the counters of the kitchen, and finally spotted the object she was searching for. She went over to the plating area where Chef Luigi had been, and hopped up to take his chef's toque down from atop the spice shelf. Joan and Ted both watched and smiled as Vicki adjusted the hat to her size and placed it upon her head.

"I like cooking every night..." She finally answered, as she turned around with the tall white hat on her head. "…I think I want the critics to tell me how good or bad I am at it." She added, with a tiny shrug. Joan's heart sank a little at Vicki's answer.

"Okay Vicki. You're free to make your own choices…" Said Ted, as he moved out of the way of the cold table. "We'll even help you out on your kamikaze pasta run!" He said with tiny laugh.

"You can clean the figs when they come in." Said Vicki. Ted gave her an okay sign and clicked his tongue.

"Done and done~!" He said. "What about you Joan?" Asked Ted, as he went to go wash his hands in the large sink at the back of the kitchen.

"I guess I can help with cleaning up the place?" She asked, as she grabbed a nearby broom. "We might as well leave it better than we found it." Said Joan with a nod. Vicki returned the gesture and immediately went about starting the final order. As Joan swept and Vicki maintained her whirlwind cooking speed, Joan couldn't help but feel that she had completely missed Vicki's one true interest. For the first time in a long time, Joan began to wonder if the little girl in front of her was as forthcoming as she had always seemed. The doors opened slightly and Joan could she the Maitre de's hands come through the door with a shopping bag full of fruit.

"The figs! I got em!" Said Ted, as he ran over to collect the bag. Ted greeted the Maitre de with a smile and took the figs from him. "That was pretty fast! What'd you do, go shake down a whole fig tree?" Joked Ted.

"Mr. Mario has a nice network of friends and family all around the town, Mr. Lawson. Apparently his second cousin Robert owns an organic food market not too far from here." Said the Maitre de. Ted raised his eyebrows and nodded, turning away to go wash the figs as Vicki had requested. The Maitre de stuck his head in the door and looked over at Vicki, who had slowed down just in time to not cause a scene. "Good luck, Vicki!~ That hat fits you quite well!" He said, disappearing out of the kitchen once more. Vicki touched the hat on top of her head, and then went back into her frenzied slicing and folding of dough.

"That reminds me, I found the source of Vicki's magnetic personality problems~." Said Ted, as he rinsed off some figs. "Just like I thought, one of those cellular phones."

"Really? Who had it?" Asked Joan, as she swept the floor close by. Ted looked up from his rinsing and thought about it for a second. He wondered if he should rat on the boy from Vicki's school or not, and then finished up the washing in front of him.

"One of those customers out there, I think he was _loaded_." Said Ted, as he playfully shook his figs at Joan.

"Well with all the toasts and free round of drinks that Mr. Mario gave out, it's no wonder." She said back, as she shielded herself from the droplets of water. "Can you fix the problem though? I mean permanently?" She added.

"Sure, I'll just narrow her frequency modulator down to a field where those phone signals don't bounce to, it shouldn't be too hard to pull off." Said Ted. Vicki stopped her chopping and dicing and walked her items to the oven.

"Done and done~." Said Vicki, as she took off her hat. "It's time to face the music."

* * *

Jamie and Reggie both sat back and laughed as they watched Mr. Mario on the stage with his accordion and his swaying, slightly off key band of servers behind him singing along to 'That's Amore'. Harriet and a few other guests had climbed up with the servers and were singing along too, making most of the restaurant chime in as well. Again however, Jamie noted that the table close to his own was not in as good a mood as everyone else. The critics were the only table without their food, and even though Jamie knew that Vicki was cooking faster than anyone else could he began to worry.

"Is Vicki cooking all the food by herself?" Shouted Reggie to Jamie, over all the noise. Jamie leaned closer to him.

"What makes you think that?" He shouted back. The singing was so loud that Reggie shook his head in confusion. Jamie put his hands up to his mouth and shouted again. "Why?" He asked. Reggie shrugged and put his hands up to his mouth too.

"Because of how fast she is!" He replied. Jamie scrunched his mouth up.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He shouted over the loud accordion. "My mom is cooking too!" He added. Reggie nodded and took a sip from his water out in front of him.

"I just thought that maybe she'd be doing all the work!" Shouted Reggie over the building music. "You know?" He shouted, moving his hand in a karate chop motion as fast as he could. Jamie furrowed his brow.

"What are you talking about?!" He shouted towards Reggie, barely audible with the noise of the restaurant.

"Vicki isn't a real girl, is she?!" Shouted Reggie back.

"What?!" Asked Jamie, as the music reached it's finale. The customers all erupted into cheers and applause as the song ended and Mr. Mario took a bow. Harriet came rushing over to join the two boys at the table and flopped back down in the chair in between the two of them.

"You should have gone up there too Jamie! Did you see all the guys holding onto their gals on the stage?~" She asked. "Love really is king in Napoli!" She said, leaning into him. Jamie pushed her back away from him.

"Harriet, volcanoes are king in Napoli, and if you don't get away from me you're gonna end up in a crater!" Said Jamie. "You'd probably choke the volcano into submission!" He added.

"Because I'm so sweet~!" Said Harriet.

"She isn't though, is she?" Asked Reggie to Jamie. Harriet looked slightly hurt at Reggie's remark.

"Who's side are you on?" She asked, as she got up and went to go mingle with other customers.

"I'm not sure what you mean." Said Jamie, his face feeling a little cold. Reggie rolled his eyes at him.

"I'm not as dumb as you think, Jamie. I've got eyes and ears!" He said, sounding a little annoyed. "It's been her cooking everything since the cooks all left, huh?" He asked. Jamie shook his head and looked away from his friend, just in time to see his parents and Vicki come out of the kitchen with a cart in tow.

"Uh oh…" Said Jamie to himself. Jamie's mind raced, trying to think of anyway to regain control of the conversation- only there didn't seem to come any easy answer, and the very real possibility that Reggie knew of his family's secret started to become more and more probable. Reggie had been looking at her differently for a while now, and there were definitely a few times in their past that Jamie had had to scramble for excuses and rational explanations for his robotic sister's actions. Then again, for a brief second, Jamie thought that maybe he could find one more excuse, just one more clever ruse to sell to his friend. Jamie turned to his friend and frowned at him. "What do you think she is, Reggie? A Martian?" He asked. Reggie shook his head.

"How about a robot?" He replied. Jamie went completely cold, and his sweat turned to little droplets of ice on his forehead. The only thing that Jamie could think about was how mad his dad would be at him. He'd be grounded until college at least.

"A robot?!" Squeaked out Jamie, with a nervous laugh. "Don't you think she'd rust if she were a robot- I mean she showers with the rest of the girls in gym class." Said Jamie. A strange look crossed Reggie's face and he looked off towards Vicki and Ted, who were wheeling the cart towards the table just across from them. Jamie's hopes were rekindled, and he wondered if it was something that Reggie hadn't thought of. The conversation seemed to have ended, and Jamie reluctantly looked away from Reggie and over to the scene now taking place at the critic's table.

"Gratzi for your attendance tonight, signori and signora! The chef wanted to give you tableside service tonight, to show you all apprehension!" Said Mr. Mario. Ted, who had been behind Mr. Mario along with Joan and Vicki, leaned forward and whispered a few things into his ear. Mr. Mario looked back at Ted, who returned his look with a wink and a nod. Mr. Mario smiled and bowed towards the critics once more. "Excuse, to show you appreciation! The chef had to leave for a family urgency, but he trusted to have our star diva here serve you up! Mangiare!" He added.

"The little girl will be serving us tableside?" Asked the oldest critic, an old white haired man with tiny glasses and a deep almost Christopher Lee like voice. "That seems very odd, Mr. Mario." He said. Antony Mario nodded and respectfully stepped out of the way of Vicki and her approaching cart.

"Si! Is very odd! I tell you for sure, the chef want it this way to be done~! Vicki too, she's a very good cook!" Said Mr. Mario. Of course Mr. Mario knew that Chef Luigi would never want an untrained unemployed by the restaurant young kid serving up three published food critics tableside. In fact, the more he thought of that, the more of a mistake it seemed to be- nonetheless, Antony Mario was a man of his word. His promise was as good as his very breath, and the little songstress in front of him was probably about to ruin any chance for a good article being written about his food. A tiny bead of sweat formed on his usually cool forehead and he forced a smile. It was also strange that Mr. Lawson had asked to keep it confidential that Vicki had cooked any meals at all, but especially the last one.

"Are you a culinary student of Chef Luigi's, dear?" Asked the middle aged nice looking lady. She was the youngest of the food critics, and the most formally dressed. "You're pretty young to be so talented in so many areas." She added. Vicki nodded.

"I've studied a lot of different cooking methods and styles~…" Said Vicki, as she lifted the dome off of the cart. The cart had three trays on it, each one belonging to one of the critics, and it looked as though Vicki had planned to dress each plate of food right in front of the three of them. "… but I'm not a culinary student of Chef Luigi's." She finished saying. The final critic, a bald man with a continual scowl started scribbling something down in his notebook.

"If you're not a student of Luigi's, then why are you out here doing his work? You're not getting any credit from him?" Asked the bald man. Vicki grabbed from under the cart a pair of salad tongs, and then motioned over towards the far end of the restaurant with her free hand.

"I'm out here because I'm a student of the woman sitting at the table over there…" She began to say, while pointing out her Home Etc. teacher, the very nice looking Ms. Lackey. Vicki looked over at the table and saw Ms. Lackey sitting with Mr. Perry, her biology teacher, but the two of them had also been joined by the very orange skinned Jeffrey. For the briefest of moments, Vicki was confused as to how they all came to be sat together, until she realized that Ms. Lackey's dimensions were the exact dimensions of a woman she had seen the day before in Jeffrey's salon- the cucumber eyed woman. The young woman saw Vicki pointing at her and waved at her with a big smile on her face. "…and because I have one more opera piece to sing still." Said Vicki, finishing her thought. The oldest white haired critic in glasses made a sighing noise and sat back in his chair.

"Little girl, you're a very talented singer, but I have heard every opera you can think of a hundred times over! You don't have to sing on my account." He said, with a rather cranky attitude.

"She's only trying to provide mood for the food." Said the bald man. "I don't care what you sing- so long as I get my pizza afterward!" He said, with a slight chuckle.

"Go on dear, finish your final piece~!" Said the lady. Vicki gave them a smile and a nod.

"Okay~!" She said. Vicki looked at the oldest critic and thought about what he had said- that he had had enough opera for the night. She looked over at her two teacher's table one more time and then smiled. She motioned for Joan to come closer and they began to whisper a conversation, that ended with Joan raising an eyebrow and trotting off to the slightly bored looking musicians. They sprang to life with a little bit of laughter and readied their instruments. " _Hold your breath. Make a wish. Contare fino a tre_ …" She began.

The musicians started up their music, and Ted smiled as he recognized the tune. Vicki was singing the song 'Pure Imagination' from Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory- but she was singing it in Italian, and in a very operatic way. As she hit her notes, she began to plate up the critics food in a very precise and very flashy manner. The lady's food was first- the cheese pizza. Normally, one would expect the cheese pizza to be very basic and quite tasteless looking, but this was not true of the astonished looking critic's order.

Vicki spun the hot pizza around on her hand like a Harlem globetrotter would spin a basketball atop his finger, all the while singing the slow and pleasant song she had selected for the final piece. She shook a few containers of various grated cheeses on the spinning circle of dough, and finished it off with a very fancy olive branch on the side. Each of the olives on the branch had a little amount of romano cheese on it's top, and the critic looked down at the plate in front of her with a surprised smile.

"Bon appetit." Said Vicki, as she moved down the table to the bald man. The music had reached it's strange chiming point, and the man on the flute hit his repeating notes as best he could. Vicki started singing again, this time taking a large plate out in front of her with empty raviolis placed in a circle around it's rim. As she sang, she stuffed the raviolis individually one by one with different fillings- all still piping hot from the cart behind her, and all very colorful. She had made a few spinach and artichoke cream cheese filled raviolis, and a few marinara filled ones too. The filling that caught the attention of the critic however was the fig and walnut with goat cheese filling that she had stuffed into the final raviolis of the plate.

Before she added the sauce on top of each of the raviolis, Vicki played a very bizarre shell game with the pasta, mixing them up with each other so fast that the critic couldn't follow which filling was which. She stopped the sorting and smiled at him, then poured her sauces on each of the respective raviolis as she whistled along to the music. The critic took the plate with a smile and quickly cut into one of the raviolis- she had gotten the right sauce on the right one.

Vicki again moved down the table, towards the cranky white haired old critic, and continued her Italian rendition of the song. The crankiest and eldest of the critics looked back at Vicki with an undisguised look of slight skepticism, and Jamie noted that he was the same man he had seen earlier with earplugs in his ears. He was obviously not a fan of his sister's singing- and probably wasn't intent on enjoying his meal either.

Joan looked on nervously as well. She wasn't completely confident that Vicki would win over the last critic at all- he didn't seem as amused by her antics as the two other younger guests at the table, and the man certainly had an effect on Mr. Mario's rate of perspiration. Joan had glanced over at Mr. Mario and found herself taken aback by just how much he was sweating under the pressure of it all. She looked to Ted, who calmed her down with a smile and a pat on her arm.

Vicki meanwhile had set the final plate down on the table in front of the critic, and she started the last verse of the song. The final order was a meager one- nothing too fancy at all, but also not exactly simple when it came to pleasing the palette of a food critic. Vicki showed her plate of noodles to the unimpressed man, and surprised him with the reveal that she hadn't cooked the Americanized spaghetti dish that he thought he would have gotten. Vicki had cooked for him instead a plate of tagliatelle, and had formed the noodles into a bowl shape on his plate.

The music slowed and reached another chiming moment with the flute, and Vicki went about spreading a few crumbles of parmesan cheese on the noodle bowl before ladling a generous amount of the house sauce on the item, finishing it off with some fresh cracked black pepper on it's top. She put the plate down in front of the critic and pulled from the pocket of her apron a fresh sprig of parsley, which she laid down on the plate as a nice little garnish to finish. She finished the melody and took a slight bow away from the table, as the restaurant again clapped for her talented voice.

"Mangiare~!" Said Vicki, as she joined back with Mr. Mario, Ted, and Joan. Jamie and Reggie sat at their table and both watched the critics with intrigue. The noise of the restaurant started up again, and the two could barely understand the conversation going on at the food critic's table. The first critic bit into her pizza and smiled, as Mr. Mario began to explain about all the different cheeses his restaurant had available- and the wonderful pizza recipes that he had come up with along with his cousin, Chef Luigi.

"It's tasty enough for adults and simple enough for the kids." Said the critic, as she scribbled down something in her notepad. Then she smiled up at Mr. Mario. "It's exactly what I was hoping for, please give my compliments to the chef~!" She said. Mr. Mario smiled and gave her a very energetic nod.

"Si! Gratzi!" He said. Then he turned to the bald man, who was already finished with his plate. The critic looked up and saw that Mr. Mario and the other two critics were looking at him, and blushed in embarrassment. He dabbed his napkin to his lips and smiled.

"Mr. Mario, I'm giving you restaurant an 'A' plus! Atmosphere, food, service~! All great!" Said the bald man, very excitedly. "These recipes are stupendous!" He added. Mr. Mario held his arms out and smiled.

"Gratzi! Gratzi!" He sang out. Then he clapped his hands together and looked over at the final critic, Mr. Cranky. The old white haired man hadn't even eaten one bite of the noodles and sauce. He was inspecting the food very carefully, and it looked to Ted and Joan as if he didn't at all like what he was seeing. He looked up at Mr. Mario from the plate and frowned at him.

"I ordered the Spaghetti Bolognese." Said the critic. Mr. Mario grimaced and clenched his hands together.

"Oh! Excuse! It's the wrong plate for you? I'll remake the order myself for you!…" Began the panicked Mr. Mario. The critic looked back down at his food and picked at it with his fork once more.

"There's no need for that. I'm pleasantly surprised that it was cooked right. This is the same Chef Luigi of San Diego's 'Chino's on the River'?" Said the critic. Mr. Mario nodded.

"Si…" He said. The critic huffed out and unfurled his spoon from his napkin.

"Did you know that I wrote about that restaurant, Mr. Mario? My article specifically said, 'Luigi's Bolognese is utter Baloney'- it nearly put me off of eating Italian ever again." Said the critic, as he twirled the noodles into his spoon. He brought his fork full of noodles up to his mouth. "This must by destiny." Said the critic, as he shuddered at the thought of how bad the first bite might be. He took his first bite and chewed.

"Chef Luigi, he cook for many years after~! He went back to school after Chino's, many years!" Offered up Mr. Mario, as he waited for the critic to say something. The critic looked back down at the pasta and stared. He once again began to pick through it with his fork. "Is okay, yes?" Asked Mr. Mario, his sweat now covering his face.

"Okay." Said the critic. He shook his head and took another bite of the pasta bowl, and for the first time in a long time- he smiled at the owner. Mr. Mario gulped and wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve, and the critic scribbled down a few words in his little notepad. "Mr. Mario, your chef served a delightful change from the usual fare of Italian restaurants." Said the critic as he finished scribbling.

"Is that good or bad?" Blurted out Joan, who was too antsy to keep the question to herself.

"I think it's good." Whispered Ted to Joan. Mr. Mario smiled and patted Vicki on the shoulder.

"Gratzi!" Said Mr. Mario. Vicki looked up and gave him the ok sign with her fingers.

"Give our collective compliments to the chef~." Said the critic as he picked up his fork again. "Whenever _he_ gets back." He said, with a strange smile. Mr. Mario nodded and bowed.

"Of course! Gratzi Signore! Enjoy the meal please!" He said as he made his exit from the table. Mr. Mario turned to Ted and Joan. "You save my business, twice over! How I can thank you? " Said Mr. Mario.

"It was no problemo~." Said Ted, as he folded his arms. Joan poked him in the ribs and shot him a quick smile.

"It was no prolemo for you, mister, Vicki did all the heavy lifting!" She said at him. Ted bit his lip and gave her an acknowledging nod.

"Did you hear what that critic said about your cooking, Vicki?" Asked Ted, as he bent down to Vicki. "He said it was delightful! Now how many times do you suppose he's ever said that? You couldn't ask for a better compliment from a published food critic!" He said. Vicki shrugged up at him, and motioned towards the white haired critic.

"Actions speak louder than words." She said. They all glanced over at the older man and saw him hungrily eating down the pasta in front of him. Mr. Mario laughed and made his way behind the bar.

"Si! Mr. Lawson, you join me!" He said as he grabbed two tiny wine glasses from a shelf. The lady working behind the bar handed an old purple bottle to Mr. Mario, and he turned around with it and the two glasses in his hands.

"Oh- I couldn't Mr. Mario, thank you though-" Began Ted. The jovial owner had already began pouring the wine into the glasses however, and he handed one of the full glasses off to Ted. "I don't hold my wine very well…" Said Ted.

"Itsa Okay! One toast, between you and me, my new friends! Yes?" Said Mr. Mario. Joan patted Ted on his shoulder.

"Go ahead Ted don't be rude!" She whispered to him. "I can drive if you pass out." She said with a smile.

"I'm not gonna pass out, Joan!" Said Ted back, sounding a little defensive. "I just don't want to get too tipsy on the way home." He said. Just as Mr. Mario and Ted clinked their glasses together, Jamie came running up with Reggie right behind him.

"Cheers." Said Ted, as he reluctantly brought the glass up towards his lips. Jamie tugged on Ted's shirt.

"Dad!…" He began. Ted shooed him away.

"Not now Jamie, give me a second…" Said Ted, as he raised the glass again.

"But dad!" Said Jamie more adamantly. Ted rolled his eyes at Jamie.

"What, Jamie, what? What's so important?" He asked, a little annoyed. Jamie stood up on his tip toes and whispered into Ted's ear, as Reggie crossed his arms and looked on.

"Reggie knows that Vicki's a robot." Whispered Jamie, a little sheepishly. Ted fumbled and his wine glass dropped to the floor. Vicki turned and looked at Mr. Mario- who looked a little dismayed.

"He warned you~." She said at him. Mr. Mario shrugged and threw his wine glass down too, shattering it to pieces below him.

"Hey~!" Said Mr. Mario, as he began to dance around. The musicians took that as their cue to start up yet another song, and they began to loudly play a bit of traditional Italian music. Ted stood there looking lost, while Joan bit a nail in apprehension. Jamie looked over at Reggie, who in turn was looking at Vicki as she went about tidying up the broken wine glass. The mood had definitely shifted to something else, and when Harriet came bounding up to join them with a big smile on her face she was met with quiet greetings. Harriet looked around at all of them and shrugged, confused by the suddenly somber look of the group.

"What'd I miss?" She asked.

 **The End**

The Lawson Family will return in:

 **Servos and sprites and everything bytes.**


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